Nicole Richie used to be known as 'the funny one from The Simple Life' or at least 'the least crap one from The Simple Life'. Now Nicole Richie has to keep moving around when she's out in case people mistake her for a hatstand.
Despite almost exclusively famous these days for being so skinny these days that she earns a nice living on the side by cleaning out test tubes with her head, Nicole Richie is on the attack. You see, Nicole Richie doesn't think she's too skinny at all, and she'll fight anyone that doesn't agree with her when she says she looks OK. And Nicole Richie will win, too, since the majority of her brawling tactics are based around a normal human's basic inability to punch something that's only three atoms wide like she is.
By rights, Nicole Richie should be having a ball at the moment, as her best friend/arch nemesis Paris Hilton's life has gone into tailspin, with her album selling hardly any copies and her getting arrested for drink-driving and her gushing urine into a taxi. Nicole Richie should be dancing in the streets about all this, but she can't because she's so pissing skinny that she might fall down a drain.
Nicole Richie's gaunt appearance has long been the talk of all sorts of people who read shiny magazines about how to look nice. Nicole Richie is so skinny that her father Lionel Richie keeps getting publicly upset about it and blaming it on all the stress that Nicole Richie is under thanks to her heavy workload of being professionally useless at menial tasks and cracking onto 11-year-old boys. And this is a theory that Nicole Richie also subscribes to; even though it wasn't so long ago that Nicole Richie admitted that she was way too skinny, Nicole Richie has gone on the Tyra Banks Show to say that she's only skinny because she's stressed, and she isn't even stressed or skinny anyway and it's all the paparazzi's fault so shut up:
"I definitely wouldn't mind gaining a few more pounds at all. I think that people's weight fluctuates. It happens. It happens to everybody. A lot of people gain weight under stress and a lot of people lose weight under stress and I am one of those people that loses weight. I am naturally a thin person and I am 5'1" and putting on five or 10 pounds, that looks like a lot on me… I know that the photographers that follow me every day, they are looking for some sort of – something wrong, a picture with a bone sticking out. You bend a certain way, they get the shot."
Nicole Richie was even asked a question about whether she was anorexic or not, which she seemed determined to answer in the strangest way possible:
"Absolutely not. One-hundred percent not. I am not anorexic. I am not bulimic. I do not have a eating disorder… You can't talk to people like that. If someone is anorexic, that's a serious disease. I would never say if someone was losing their hair they had cancer."
Ach, Nicole Richie – with your bizarre male pattern baldness/cancer analogy you have defeated us again.
Read more:
Nicole Richie: I Think I Look Okay – People
[story by Stuart Heritage]