When hecklerspray isn't breaking cutting edge entertainment news, we like to bash things in the head with phones. Yup, we like to bash kids in the head with phones, we like to bash dogs in the head with phones, and we like to bash dandelions in the head with phones right after we see them at eye level because kids and dogs have bitten us to the ground.
It wasn't so long ago we had the best date with Naomi Campbell. We went all over the place bashing stuff in the head with phones. She used a 2006 Motorola cell phone with an upper-cut punching motion, we used a 1927 rotary in a sweeping side-swing – what a wonderful time we had! We even started falling in love until our sweet 'Omi bashed one head too many. We got the hell out of there. Naomi though, she stuck around long enough to get judicially sentenced for it. Boy George Style.
Holy crap that could have been us. We don't know her. We weren't there.
You know what the best fight would be? It'd be Foxy Brown Vs. Siegfried & Roy's throat-hungry tiger. Just imagine all that scratching! If one of them couldn't make it to the fight though, Naomi Campbell would be a fine battle substitute. The rage with which she's often attributed would give her the courage to look either one of those adversaries in the eye, then tie a raw steak around her neck to lure whichever one she's fighting to their ultimate demise.
After all, this is Naomi Campbell, destroyer of yachts and T-shirt topic extraordinaire. She could crush almost anything with her many passions. Anything, like you know, grimy floors and probably toilet pee stains. And it's a good thing too, because that's what she's gotta do for five whole days – so says the law!
Last January Naomi Campbell plead guilty to whacking a maid in the head with a cell phone. Her sentence for that, as E! Online put it:
"Campbell has been sentenced to spend five days becoming acquainted with a mop and perhaps a broom at a New York City-run warehouse as penance for a misdemeanor assault case."
Though nobody's heard specifically how Naomi Campbell took the news, one of her slaves said:
"[Naomi] is ready to complete this, no matter where or what she is assigned."
That's the 'go get 'em' attitude that made her famous. With an outlook like that, those urinals will get restocked with pink cakes a little faster, the mops will get wrung out extra dry, and the mouse traps will be checked twice as often.
The person that shows her how to unlock the broom closet on day one though, well they should do it from a distance.
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gazm says
They’re giving her a MOP? A mop’s like 6 times the size of phone. It’s not too late to stop the damage, people
sk8rgurl says
I read elsewhere it was a broom…either way, by giving her a mop and/or broom they’re only providing her with a method of transportation out of her community service. Because I’d swear to you that I’ve seen her flying around in the sky on what APPEARED to be a mop and/or a broom. I hope she has a miserable time.
cherriez says
omg, why would she do that? and why give her a broom?!? like the other comments, a broom is tripple the size of a cell phone… this is crazy!! i cant believe she would do that!!