We miss the days when Miley Cyrus had a Twitter account – back then she’d just carp on about her life all the time.
If you didn’t like it, you didn’t follow her. Which we didn’t, so we didn’t. But now Miley Cyrus has ditched Twitter, she’s decided to start crapping on about how much she hates Twitter all the time to traditional news organisations. And that’s much worse. What can you do if you don’t like it, switch off the news?
Hardly. So now we’re all forced to listen to Miley Cyrus blathering on about how dangerous she thinks the internet is, in a constant stream of tiny soundbites, with no escape whatsoever. You know what the perfect solution would be? If she got like a Twitter account or something.
Miley Cyrus – grand arch-deacon of spiritual depth that she is – is right about one thing. Young people these days are wasting their lives on social networks. They’re spending so long detailing every single aspect of their existence that they’re leaving themselves with no time to actually experience life first-hand. It’s much better to be like Miley Cyrus, who was once too busy tweeting all the time to enjoy her life, but is now too busy telling kids to stop tweeting all the time to enjoy her life. Or something. We’ve confused ourselves. Bugger.
Anyway, the internet has never been particularly kind to Miley Cyrus. When she used MySpace to post pictures of herself in various states of undress a few years ago, she got in trouble for it. When she used Twitter to post a picture of herself grinding against a chair in a tiny pair of hotpants, she got in trouble for that too. It must be a source of eternal disappointment that she never used Facebook to stalk and maim a stranger, because then she’d have made the hat-trick.
But that’s never going to happen, because Miley Cyrus has abandoned her ties to social networks in order to live a normal life. Now she’s free of Twitter she can do things that all normal teenagers do, like being bounced from professional obligation to professional obligation by a team of managers and publicists and home-tutors and stylists and drivers and lawyers and parents who all have a vested financial interest in her. That sort of thing.
Or at least that’s what she could do if she wasn’t so busy thwacking on about the dangers of the internet all the bastard time. Here’s what Miley told Movieline most recently:
?I feel like I hang out with my friends and they're so busy taking pictures of what they're doing and putting them on Facebook that they're not really enjoying what they're doing… I'm telling kids, don't go on the internet, it's dangerous, it's not fun, it wastes your life, and you should be outside playing sports or something.?
Of course, the irony of this is that you wouldn’t know that Miley Cyrus hated the internet unless you read it on the internet. And, because this is a story about Miley Cryrus yammering on in a way that suggests she’s got an over-inflated estimation of her own intelligence, it’s probably taken the shine right off your day. So Miley Cyrus was right about the internet all along. Oh, what an unpleasant situation for us all to be in.
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Kyle Webs says
keep on bitching…it won’t help.
hahah :P
Sarahiseatingabiscuit says
I’d like to hold Miley Cyrus up by her ankles and dunk her head repeatedly into a barrel of water until she stopped being a massive annoying teenage cunt.