Miley Cyrus was at the Oscars on Sunday, possibly because Hannah Montana: The Movie was up for the Biggest Load Of Cack award.
But possibly not. Either way, Miley Cyrus was at the Oscars, and her date for the night was her newest Liam Hemsworth. We’re telling you this not because the pair of them are rumoured to be dating, or because Miley came tantalisingly close to confirming those rumours. No, we’re telling you this because, while describing Hemsworth, Miley Cyrus said “I think we’re both deeper than normal people.”
You heard it here first, everyone – Miley Cyrus is deeper than you. No matter what you do in your entire life, you’ll never even be a tenth as profound as Miley Cyrus is, even when she’s just talking about her hair or whatever. Sorry to be the ones who had to break it to you. Deal with it.
She may only be 17 years old, but Miley Cyrus has been put through the wringer when it comes to romance. She’s run the gamut of boyfriends in her time. She’s done the physical thing by going out with that underwear boy. She’s done the annoying, underdeveloped squeaky-voiced eunuch thing by going out with a Jonas Brother. She even spent a while hanging out with a creepy, long-haired, vest-wearing weirdo with a horrible mini-beard who was old enough to be her dad. Oh, that was her dad? Sorry, our mistake.
But what Miley Cyrus craved more than anything was her intellectual and spiritual equal. You know, somebody who could match her thirst for knowledge. Someone who understood the staggering profundity of, say, standing next to a man of Pacific-Asian descent and making your eyes go all slitty or taking most of your clothes off and rolling around on a guy’s lap for an ill-advised MySpace photoshoot. Someone like Liam Hemsworth.
Liam Hemsworth is Miley Cyrus’s co-star in the upcoming The Last Song, which is being heralded as Miley’s first foray into adult-orientated films because – even though it looks like a lightweight piece of teenage nonsense that nobody would ever willingly watch – at no point does she put on a yellow wig and sing a song about how happy rainbows make her feel or whatever. And, reportedly, he’s also Miley Cyrus’s boyfriend.
What drew the two of them together? Oh, we don’t know – maybe the fact that they’re both basically smaller versions of Arthur Schopenhauer and Charles Fran?ois d’Abra de Raconis but with perkier teeth. Here’s how Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus described each other in Teen Vogue this month:
“Working with Miley was a alot easier than I thought it was going to be,” Hemsworth admits. “From the first time we [met], It was like I had known her before.” His famous girlfriend adds, “I think we’re both deeper than normal people–what they think and how they feel. He’s very grateful for what he has, but he doesn’t let it go to his head. I’m like that too.”
Finally! Someone’s given Miley Cyrus credit for being the transcendentally enlightened individual that she is. Because, come on, if the lyrics to Party In The USA aren’t on the same level as, say, Phenomenology and the Crisis of Philosophy: Philosophy as Rigorous Science, and Philosophy and the Crisis of European Man by Edmund Husserl then we’ll eat our hats. In fact, we heard that Miley’s next single is to be a meditation on Mortimer Adler‘s assertion that, to avoid the naturalistic fallacy, we must formulate at least one self-evident prescriptive truth, allowing us to reason to the truth of other prescriptives.
What? It’s not? It’s going to be another song about how boys make Miley’s heart smile? Oh fine, forget everything we just said.
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GetACluePeople says
Yeah. And I am absolutely a better singer/actor than she is. Let’s face it, everyone is just waiting for this train wreck to be exposed.
Stephanie says
I can’t wait till she’s caught stumbling out of nightclubs drunk as a skunk.
tallulah says
perhaps she was misquoted. “i can deep throat deeper than normal people.”
Natalie says
I HATE MILEY CYRUS! Stupid celebrity Miley, will take every oportunity to trash talk tween hits! Like Twilight! I lovvve twilight!!! Shes just jelous that Twlight tops the A-list, while shes more last year than her outfits! There are many great romodels out there, but Miley Cyrus certainly isnt one of them. Im not even kidding, the only thing bigger than Miley Cyrus’s obnoxious ego, is her big trash talking mouth! Sink your teeth into that one Miley!
JoeMomma says
I bet you can’t wait to be told what next pop idol you should love.
Beth says
Were Miley deep she might write a song herself.
I think it will be interesting to see if she ever grows up enough to be embarrassed by herself at this age.
caly says
get a life this websites is very dum i like her thats not what she ment…….need to get a life if u dnt like her then dont watch her HATERS…..u r just making her more famous
KungxFu says
“She even spent a while hanging out with a creepy, long-haired, vest-wearing weirdo with a horrible mini-beard who was old enough to be her dad. Oh, that was her dad? Sorry, our mistake.”
Boy, that made me laugh :D Miley seriously just asks for it, skanking about then declaring herself “deep”. Whatever!
caly says
now first of all i dont think miley cyrus trash talks all that often! second of all this person likes twilight therefore any opinion they have is invalid. i first began liking miley cyrus and the wole hannah montana phenomenon right at the start of it, about 4 or 5 years ago, i got my little sister into it and she absolutely sees miley cyrus as a rolemodel, she is a beauiful girl who achieves her goals, and my sister unlike me is a christian and totally respects the way miley keeps her faithh! miley doesnt have an ego problem, she isn
brittney says
you are so cool
brittney