The world has a little less Miley Cyrus in it today, and some people are taking that to be a bad thing.
People are idiots. Anyway, the reason why there’s less Miley Cyrus in the world is because Miley has deleted her Twitter account, and her fans have overreacted so dramatically that Miley has had to use her blog to apologise to everyone.
In a way, we can see why everyone is so upset – if Miley Cyrus isn’t on Twitter, then which other celebrity Twitter user will regularly upload photos of themselves in various states of inappropriate undress? Elizabeth Taylor, we’ve never needed you so much.
You know how Miley Cyrus got to be where she is today? By allowing her parents to sell her childhood to a global entertainment corporation as part of a harrowing Faustian pact whereby they’d gain maybe a decade of increased material wealth? Well, yeah, that. But also it’s because everyone wants Miley Cyrus to be their friend.
It’s true. Everyone wants to hang out with Miley Cyrus and go to her weird underage knicker parties and see if her dad is really as creepy as he seems and listen to her verbalise every passing thought in her increasingly gruff Dr Claw-esque speaking voice. But because that’s both impossible and a little unsettling, the next best thing involved following Miley Cyrus on Twitter.
In fact, following Miley Cyrus on Twitter was even better than being her friend – not only could you keep up to date with her dazzling showbusiness anecdotes, but also decoding her berserk spelling, grammar and punctuation was even more challenging than trying to complete the Times crossword. It was the gift that kept on giving, provided that you enjoyed reading offensively grating missives of teenage self-promotion several times a day.
Notice the past tense, there. You see, Miley Cyrus has decided to delete her Twitter account. And, because she upset some weirdos in the process, she’s decided to blog about her decision to quit Twitter. Miley wrote:
You all are the closest thing to my heart & it breaks my spirit to hear that some of you feel neglected since I deleted my twitter. It was a wonderful way to stay connected to you & I really felt like during that time we became very much like friends… How can I whine about my life being to public if I am the one telling the world what I am doing? Some things in my life need to say in my life only and not on some gossip site… I just think kids all over the world could maybe take a little vacation from Cyberspace.
You read that? We broke her spirit! High fives all round!
Anyway, good for Miley Cyrus. It makes sense for her to delete her Twitter account because she’s tired of sharing her life with everyone, only to then immediately share the reason why she deleted it on her blog. Let’s hope that she never decides to delete her blog, because then she’d have to share the reason for that on Facebook.
And then if she deleted her Facebook account, she’d have to share the reason for that on MySpace.
And if she deleted her MySpace page, she’d have to share the reason for that on YouTube.
And if she deleted her YouTube channel then she’d have to come round to your house and personally share the reason for doing that directly to your face.
And that’d just be bloody horrible.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
u need to shut up already. you people the media with your garbage about a 16 yr old girl who u no nothing about i know more than u do. us fans have to suffer because of u people with her leaving she brought a bright spot to twitter with her honest romantic tweets so take a hike.
Boy are you bitter! You might have to do some actual reporting now instead of getting it spoon fed to you.
The author of this article is such a useless piece of shit, making up BS about Miley when there is not a shred of truth to it. Do you really think people are as ignorant as you and will believe your crap? Get a life, maybe flipping burgers at Mickey’s.
Doosh
… at the risk of sounding a little creepy, I’d be fairly OK with the house visit.
Hmmmm…. I’m looking deep into my soul to see if there’s any lurking “ewwww” factor there. Nope. Oh dear.
No, wait, I meant Lyndsey Lohan!
Sh1t. That’s even worse, isn’t it.
I’d be okay with the house visit too, Shooty*.
On the proviso that she had to repeatedly apologise for simply being her, while walking slowly backwards out of my presence like the page to some august monarch – bowing so low on each step that her forehead touched the ground – while I threw live hedgehogs at her back and kept score of how many stuck there in chalk on the front door.
(The same goes for the people who took backwards compatibility out of the UK PS3, so she’s not alone there)
Damn. As an adult, reading a blog written by another supposed adult, have to ask, who trashes a teenager? Wow, that was beyond stupid. She is a teeennaagggeeerr. A child. She doesnt have to have perfect grammar, perfect manners, or ever make you happy. This seems pretty self-explanatory to me, but for some reason, it isnt. I worry less about the Miley Cyrus’s of this world vs. people like this.
Wow I can’t believe some of these comments. Personally the articles on this site have made me laugh harder and louder then I have in months! I’m wondering why the people commenting care so much about Miley Cirus? So defensive. My favorite comment was “who u no nothing about i know more than u do.” If you don’t like the article’s then just don’t read them?
And for the person responsible for the comment quoted above. You should spend less time worrying about Miley Cirus, and more time in junior High School. Seriously, I’m worried.
this is all but a “gimmick” from Miley Cyrus.She is using the new social media to gain additional fame..Check also my blog on this “gimmick” by Miley Cyrus.Nice post!
kingoface.wordpress.com
Miley didn’t delete her Twitter account. Oh no she didn’t. She’s still in there and Twitting away, its just that she just doesn’t want the media to know about it. Believe me. I’m following her right now *wink*
I can’t wait for her to completely grenade like all the the other monarch slaves before her.
Kitsune,
Those comments are the same day hecklerspray gets a direct google link.
It’s really quit a good time reading comments from people with zero sense of humor.
read some of the MJ ones, OMG I knew there were loonies out there but my goodness.
Extra points to Magnetite for “August Monarch”. I just may have to rename my band! Miley is Twit is no longer relevant
this is the most inaccurate blog – ever.
I say good move miley. Thought I read somewhere that she wants kids send the msg across that kids need to unplug, get a life and get personal. Learn to write a letter or e-mail to real friends kids and stop pretending you are best friends with celebs just coz you “follow” them. http://www.newsy.com/videos/is_e_mail_dying
I agree with Kitsune. Why read Heckler Spray at all if you’re gonna get all haughty about it? It’s supposed to be offensive. And seriously, “She is a teeennaagggeeerr. A child. She doesnt have to have perfect grammar, perfect manners”. I’m a teenager, or a child as you put it, and I can vouch for my own grammar, if not my manners too.
“You read that? We broke her spirit! High fives all round!” Haha classic
Stuart Heritage is absolutely hilarious!
I discovered this site when Michael Jackson died, and although I’m a long time fan of Jackson, Mr.Heritage’s posts about him were really funny. Thanks for a great site.