The day most men are introduced to their 15-year-old daughter’s 20-year-old underwear model boyfriend is usually they day they go bald and/or start sniffing glue.
But not if you’re Billy Ray Cyrus. If you’re Billy Ray Cyrus then your 15-year-old daughter will never introduce you to her 20-year-old underwear model boyfriend. That’s because if you’re Billy Ray Cyrus, your 15-year-old daughter is Miley Cyrus and it’s you who’ll introduce her to the aforementioned 20-year-old underwear model.
That’s right – it turns out that Billy Ray Cyrus is responsible for hooking Miley Cyrus up with her new, much older, mostly naked boyfriend Justin Gaston. Normally we’d suggest that Miley Cyrus’ ex-boyfriend would be feeling pretty inadequate because of this, but given our suspicion that Miley Cyrus’ ex-boyfriend was actually Billy Ray Cyrus anyway, we’ll probably just leave it.
We’re going to let you into a little secret. We always thought that Billy Ray Cyrus was a little bit stupid. Maybe it was his awful haircut, or maybe the way he consistently mispronounced the word ‘lips’ as ‘layps’ when singing Achy Breaky Heart, or maybe even our possibly imagined fondness of his for wearing leather waistcoats with nothing underneath. We just don’t know.
But we were wrong. Billy Ray Cyrus isn’t stupid at all. Billy Ray Cyrus is a red-hot progressive. You can tell that just by the way he’s raised Miley Cyrus.
For instance, when Miley Cyrus split up with whichever one of The Jonas Brothers she was with, Billy Ray Cyrus yelled “Don’t worry honey, he was just a boy. I’ll find you a MAN!” and ran off to try and find a nice-looking 20-year-old stud with morals loose enough to allow him to take payment from standing around in his knickers all day to ease his little girl’s broken heart.
And that’s how Justin Gaston came to be. You see, when we reported yesterday that Miley Cyrus had a much older boyfriend, we assumed that Billy Ray Cyrus would be furious. But he’s not, because he was the one who set the pair of them up. OK! reports:
Allen Osborne, says Billy Ray thinks very highly of Justin. “He doesn’t drink. He doesn’t smoke. He’s a very up-and-up guy.” {A source said] “Miley and Justin were really playful with each other. And for being with her parents, they were extremely touchy-feely. Miley had her hands on Justin’s stomach. They definitely seemed like a couple. Her parents really gave them space.”
You see, Billy Ray Cyrus has nothing to worry about. Just because Justin Gaston is legally an adult whose girlfriend is legally a child, he doesn’t drink or smoke so nothing funny’s going to happen. And it’s not as if Miley Cyrus knows anything about sex anyway, is it? She hardly goes around bragging of her love of Sex And The City while posing in a series of risque photos on the internet, is it? Oh…
Also, we’re sure that Billy Ray Cyrus’ acceptance of Justin Gaston has absolutely nothing to do with Miley Cyrus being the primary breadwinner in the Cyrus household and having enough money to have her dad kidnapped and beaten if he ever voices an opinion on her love life. Nothing at all.
Eugene says
This is probably another part of the grand plan to morph Miley’s image from a tween-friendly performer (with an ultimate expiry date) to a more adult image, before she’s forever typecast as “Hannah Montana”. I suspect a lot of the tabloid coverage of Miley in the last eight months or so (underwear photos, magazine shoots, etc.) has been orchestrated with this in mind (probably by Billy-Ray). How successful it will be remains to be seen.
jabba says
No-one is stupider than the idiot who wrote this article…what an asswipe! She didn’t pose for risque photos for the internet! Get your facts straight before you start spreading the bullshit around. It’s morons like the author of this article that bive the media a bad name. Asshole.
Julian Mentat says
When I stand around in my underwear, I don’t get 15-year-old hot girlfriends. I get arrested or at least cautioned. Where’s the justice?
montana says
oh my fucking god r u people eva going to give her a break as soon as the story of her getting in a car crash and dieing finshed
some bitch made this up
peoples give her a break
Julian Mentat says
Hallo Montana, the following keystrokes are missing from your message:
[shift] , a e y o r ? [shift] , . [shift] , !
Keep practising and in no time you’ll be writing English! :)
Armand says
The writer of this story should get…a standing ovation!
Only few people have ever depicted the sad and disgusting reality of the Cyrus Family in such an entretaining and clear way, and even taking everything in context too!: This is not an isolated event, this is a trend-a trend most people tend to forget.
If the trend continues, she WILL be pregnant before hitting 18!
And when that day comes, I swear Disney will start to pay for being the biggest pimp corporation in the entire world.:)
Tony says
I really don’t think that Justin guy and Miley are dating. There is definitely something
to it. Just maybe it’s to help him launch a singing career which won’t work anyway because
he’s a pretty bad singer(listen to Nashville Star) and boost her image to the public eye.
Idontlike mileyCyrus says
i hate miley…thats all