Michael Jackson’s financial problems are hardly a secret – but then making a human nose look that unrealistic is fairly expensive.
So what’s a boy to do? Rumoured to be up to his ears in debt and sued for millions of dollars about twelve times a day, Michael Jackson has no option but to bite the bullet and auction off his most treasured possession – the possession no man should be without.
That’s right – the painting of him as the king of England. And the golf buggy featuring a painting of himself as Peter Pan across the bonnet. And his robot head. We’re not joking.
You! Do you have more money than sense, a secret fascination with acquitted child molesters and absolutely no taste whatsoever? You DO? Good, because Michael Jackson is itching to meet you.
The last few years haven’t been kind to Michael Jackson. A combination of spending beyond his means, several aborted comeback sessions and a body that might well be full of MRSA and something that’s buggered his lungs up has left Michael Jackson reportedly on the brink of financial ruin.
Not that Michael Jackson isn’t smart enough to try and fix the problem, of course – he’s recently tried to balance the books by selling his own house to himself and possibly ripping off a sheikh and, of course, shaking hands with some Asians – but none of these were enough to rescue Michael from his problems.
And that’s why, back in December, Michael Jackson decided to auction off thousands of his possessions. That’s not really news – but what is news is that images of each lot have just been released. And, oh my, Michael Jackson hasn’t let us down in the slightest.
Of course, Michael Jackson’s auction contains several items that everyone probably owns – chairs, carpets, bronze busts of wild-eyed biblical prophets, about a million medieval swords, so many figurines of children that you’ll actually want to cry – but there are also a handful of genuine curiosities there as well.
Like, for instance, the gigantic golden throne covered in creepy cupid heads that can be yours for just $1,500. Or the royal cape that was apparently given to him by his children for Father’s Day ($300). Or the Rolls Royce limousine that’s been decorated so gaudily that it looks like one of Donald Trump‘s blowoffs ($140,000). Or the effortlessly creepy Grandmother Predictions machine like the one from the film Big ($1,500). Or – and we promise we’re not making this up – the painting of Michael Jackson, Einstein, Abraham Lincoln, ET and the Mona Lisa all wearing aviator sunglasses ($1,000).
Honestly, if you do one thing today, it should involve looking through Michael Jackson’s auction catalogue, because we guarantee you won’t be let down. Unless you don’t enjoy looking at page after page of naked cherub statuettes, that is. But, really, who doesn’t love tiny ceramic willies, right?
Julian Mentat says
You may laugh at his possessions, but most adults have invested money in one or more diamonds, which are just as gaudy, useless and depreciated as anything in that catalogue.
euclid says
You laffs at him, but he has no nose! Imagine! : 9
(Jon “Beetles” Lenin rote that: “Imagine you have no nose.”)
It was a BIG hit 2! A BIG BIG hit!!!! Sometimes on the telly
they are adverting something stoopid like Banks and they
play it (the song: “Imagine you have no nose”). And it makes
me cry and go to the Banks, but SURPRISE! A HAPPY ENDING : 0
they all have there noses. Except Michal butt he wasn’t their.
Okay! That’s how you say it! Piece! : 0
Gibbo says
It’s a sad indicator of the how world has changed in recent years when an article chuckling at things Michael Jackson bought while up/down/coming down/going up/hallucinating/any or all of those, can sit here for 24 hours and not attract a single angry, poorly written, stream of consciousness type post from a crazed fan declaring that if Michael needed a new heart, they would give him theirs. Perhaps they’ve all now realised he wasn’t worth it. That, or the Home doesn’t allow live electrical equipment.
mommiedc1 says
I sure wish heartless people would leave Michael alone, he has been under the spotlight since he was 5, over 40 years.. In that 40 years he has accomplished a LOT more that any of you reading these posts. Maybe if people would have just left him alone, he would not have had to give up all he worked for. Imagine, working to pay for your house for 40 years, then have the world come and make fun of how you paid for it, even though ANYONE who says Michael Jackson knows who he is, and have enjoyed at least ONE song he has done, but will deny it, due to the STUPID words of the MEDIA!!! Michael, you rock, you always will, and the media that turned you into medussa, must be mental, NOT YOU!!
Joseph Rosenthal says
I can’t see whats so funny how the M.jackson got into this shape. Well we all know don’t we? Peoples have a way of feeling for all of those stars while they are makeing money for them and they are living of what they do, whether its singing or danceing or just maken fun of other peoples,then they will he is on the top of the world,
maureen anderson says
How sad that even in DEATH you just can’t leave MICHAEL ALONE! You know, opinion’s are like A– HOLE’S & everybody’s got 1,but you people who are TRASHING A DEAD MAN are the biggest A– HOLE’S YOUR PARENT’S EVER MADE! Put that in your pipe & SMOKE IT. :)