Michael Jackson’s dream is over – well, not the terrifying dream where his face slowly atrophies, that one’s still going strong.

We’re talking about the dream where Michael Jackson grows old surrounded by the luxury of his Neverland ranch. It’s been revealed that Michael Jackson has finally lost Neverland, and has signed the house and grounds over to a corporation – presumably a corporation that specialises in finding suitably creepy real estate for frightening comicbook supervillians.

And, in a sense, that’s what has happened. The corporation that Michael Jackson has signed Neverland over to is part owned by… Michael Jackson. So, in a sense, what that means is – oh, look, who are we kidding? This is so confusing, it’d take a month to get to the bottom of it. God, Michael Jackson was so much easier to understand when everyone thought he molested children.

For people like us – normal, hardworking millionaires who dream about living in giant shadow-filled dilapidated ranches that come complete with abandoned fairgrounds so utterly unsettling that they may as well be Nosferatu movie sets – these last couple of years have been hard.

All we’ve wanted to do is buy Neverland from Michael Jackson. As well as being so shitpant scary to live in that we’d never be able to sleep again, buying Neverland would have also been a sound investment – the eBay revenue alone from all the empty Jesus Juice bottles, scabbed-up lakes of giraffe blood and vials full of a general creeping stench of decay would have paid back the cost of the ranch several times over.

But it wasn’t to be. Although Michael Jackson apparently tried to sell Neverland to the Beckhams at one point due to the massive debts it was running up, lately he’s been fighting as hard as possible to keep it. Every time he almost lost Neverland for falling behind on the mortgage, Michael Jackson managed to scoop a vast, hopelessly convoluted deal out of the bag at the last minute to save it.

However, not even Michael Jackson could keep up with these brainfrying financial blackflips for long, and now it looks as though he’s finally lost Neverland forever. Michael Jackson has signed Neverland over to, well, himself. Don’t worry, we’re confused too. But The New York Times knows what’s going on:

On Monday Mr. Jackson filed a grant deed that transferred ownership of the property to the Sycamore Valley Ranch Company. According to the report the company is a joint venture between Mr. Jackson and Colony Capital, the real-estate investment company owned by Tom Barrack, which purchased Mr. Jackson’s debt in May when he defaulted on a $24.5 million mortgage on the ranch.

See? It’s simple. Michael Jackson couldn’t pay the mortgage on Neverland, so he sold his debt to an investment company, and then started a new company with the investment company, and then signed Neverland to that company. What could possibly be simpler than that?

Basically, that means that the new owner of Michael Jackson’s Neverland is Michael Jackson. Unless it isn’t. Which it might not be. Clear?

No, we’re still lost too, to be honest. But hopefully – regardless of who owns it now – getting rid of Neverland will be able to save Michael Jackson a gigantic sum of money. Maybe even enough to get his face looked at by a proper doctor. Seriously, that thing gives us the heebie jeebies.

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