Until now if you were staring from the inside out through the mighty gates of the Neverland Ranch, it was with big sad eyes and your pants on backwards.

That changes now. That’s because several things found in and around the house by Michael Jackson himself are about to go up for auction – including those gates. That means if you win the bid and then do the dishes that night, your mom might let you somehow attach them to your bedroom doorway. Wouldn’t that just impress the ladies?

Michael Jackson has a lot going on these days. He owes the Iron Sheikh a whole bunch of money or something, the AARP is probably on him to publicly apply for membership, and several of his former pet camels say they haven’t been brushed since the King of Pop moved to Bahrain.

When people and camels are after you like that it can get expensive, and that’s bad news when you’ve apparently been circling the drain of bankruptcy as long as Jackson has. Really, in the interest of raising money fast, Mikey’s only got three options. He could release another album that will only sell in Italy, he could keep owning half of The Beatles and hope they do another Anthology type thing, or he could auction off a whole bunch of his old sticky stuff. Except his underpants. Those are already long gone.

That last one is what he’s doing. Yup. According to Reuters:

“The gates of Michael Jackson’s famed Neverland Ranch and one of the white gloves first unveiled in his 1983 “Billie Jean” video are going up for auction in a 2,000-item sale organized by the self-styled King of Pop. Auctioneer Darren Julien said Wednesday that Jackson was sorting through thousands of personal items and his vast art collection from the abandoned Neverland Ranch and other places. He said the five-day auction in Beverly Hills, scheduled for April 21-25, will be the first organized by Jackson, who has been living as a virtual recluse since his acquittal in 2005 on child sex abuse charges.”

Thousands of items are gonna be on the auction block – like his glittery white glove for one and 15 different authentic MJ nose chunks for another. Still not convinced enough to raise a hand while the fast talker is standing at the podium? That’s only because you haven’t thought about it yet.

If you had you wouldn’t be so hesitant. The first perk that comes to our mind is that if you buy enough former-Jackson property your house could be like a glow in the dark disco under the right black lights.
You’d never be able to blame darkness when your pee missed the toilet.

That could be a positive or a negative.

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