Don't be fooled by the rocks that Jennifer Lopez got, because she's still Jenny from the block – but do be fooled by the rocks that her husband Marc Anthony got, because there's a strong possibility he probably didn't pay any tax for them.
Marc Anthony has been hit with a $2.5 million tax bill after failing to file returns worth $15.5 million over the course of five years. Luckily for Marc Anthony, the IRS chose to look kindly upon him and not invoke its new Shit Beard Tax – because if it had, Marc Anthony's tax bill would have risen to $2.5 million, a kick in the balls and a really nasty Chinese burn.
Jennifer Lopez sure knows how to pick her men, doesn't she? First she married that guy who wrote a naughty book about her, then there was some dancer bloke, then Diddy – a man who can literally smack flames out of your ass – then there was J-Lo hating Ben Affleck and now there's widely-unrecognised salsa star Marc Anthony. After a string of men that wayward, Marc Anthony must have seemed like a secure option for Jennifer Lopez.
And then he stopped paying taxes. And then the IRS noticed. And now Marc Anthony has to pay all the taxes that he didn't pay the IRS when he was supposed to. E! Online reports:
The Latino crooner, and better half of Jennifer Lopez, has agreed to pony up roughly $2.5 million in back taxes owed to the federal and state governments after failing to file returns on nearly $15.5 million in income over a five-year period. Anthony himself was not charged with any offenses, though three of his businesses—touring company Ari Enterprises, Ltd., music publishers Bolero Records, Ltd. and two of the singer's managers—have pleaded guilty to a litany of tax crimes.
If, like us, you're bewildered by this kind of business talk, then it might be easier to explain that Marc Anthony's situation is identical to that tax-dodging bloke from Survivor, except that Marc Anthony won't go to jail and he didn't used to be on a reality TV show with a man who shoots puppies with a bow and arrow.
But at least this story has a mostly happy ending. Though embarrassing for him, Marc Anthony will pay what is owed without punishment and the IRS gets its taxes. Sure, Marc Anthony's managers and accountants are for the high-jump, but we'll only start caring about them when they release several near-identical salsa albums and get married to Jenny From The Block.
Now that Marc Anthony needs to tighten his belt, perhaps there'll be a knock-on effect for Jennifer Lopez – she'll have a little less money to spend on things like Scientology courses and self-indulgent perfumes and films that get booed because they're so terrible.
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