When Madonna adopts a child, it’s hard. There’s the spoon-feeding. There’s the bathing. There’s the constant threat of incontinence.
Yup, that Madonna sure does take a lot of looking after. But little Mercy James is bound to cope. Because, just as we’ve been expecting all week, the Malawi Supreme Court has finally approved Madonna’s request to formally adopt Mercy James and take her home.
Madonna has fought so hard for this – it’s everything she’s always wanted. Until next week when she decides that she also wants a diamond-studded unicorn, and throws another pissy fit when someone tells her no, obviously.
Of all her admirable attributes, Madonna’s tenacity is right up there with her slightly nauseating unwillingness to dress remotely like a woman her own age, her swiftness to attach herself to religions which are plainly rooted in bullshit and and her ability to push a Snickers bar through the gap in her teeth sideways. When Madonna sees something she wants, she just goes ahead and gets it. Admittedly a few years later she tends to divorce it because it’s not the express ticket to A-list movie stardom she anticipated and also because it looks a bit like a potato, but that’s by the by.
The point is, Madonna’s tenacity has just ensured that she’s won the greatest prize of her life – a small orphan from Malawi who she may or may not plan to keep in a giant bell jar to use as her primary source of delicious stem cells.
That’s right – after her humiliating defeat earlier this year, Madonna’s adoption of Malawian orphan Mercy James has finally been given the official go-ahead by the country’s supreme court. AP reports:
Madonna can adopt a second child from Malawi, the southern African country’s highest court ruled, overturning a lower court decision it said was out of touch with the times. Chief Justice Lovemore Munlo, reading the three-judge panel’s ruling, also said the singer’s commitment to helping disadvantaged children should have been taken into account when deciding on Madonna’s request to adopt 3-year-old Chifundo “Mercy” James.
This news isn’t exactly a surprise – the adoption was widely predicted earlier this week – but it’ll be no less thrilling for Madonna, not least because the court has essentially set a precedent allowing Madonna to rock up to the country in a dirty great JCB and scoop up as many little orphans for herself as she can as often as she likes.
Because don’t forget that Madonna has done a lot for Malawi recently. She’s founded a charity to feed the country’s orphans and provide them with medical supplies – plus she’s built the Raising Malawi Kabbalah School to educate them in the mystic ways of the Kabbalah, ensuring that generations of Malawian orphans can grow up to be at least as clever as Ashton Kutcher. It might not be much, but it’s a start.
It just goes to show that money can’t buy you love. But it can buy you a crapload of bricks to build a school to indirectly guilt a government into giving you a kid who you can then go on to shower with the nearest approximation of love available to you at any given moment of time. Which is a completely different thing. It is.
Katie says
I freaking love this website. The writers are hilarious even though they’re being mean. Plus, I get to learn a ton of great British slang (I’m American, so I usually have to Google some words). Now, for many expressions, I prefer the British over the American. But I DO NOT say them in a horrible, affected English accent- Madonna!