It’s time to congratulate Madonna. And not because she only got up to pee 17 times last night – although that is her personal best this year.
Instead Madonna appears to have defied international adoption law and all number of child trafficking protesters by winning her appeal to adopt little Mercy James, the orphan that she couldn’t have a few months ago.
It’s unknown how Madonna convinced the judges to allow the adoption since, when asked, their voices were muffled by the sumptuous collar of their new fur coat and drowned out by the roar of their gleaming speedboat respectively.
If there’s one universal truth about Madonna, it’s that criticising her only strengthens her resolve. That’s why, before we get to the actual meat of this story, we’d just like to publicly berate the following people for strengthening Madonna’s resolve:
* The person who told Madonna to stop dressing like a teenage girl.
* The person who told Madonna to stop talking in that ridiculous faux-Mary Poppins accent.
* The person who told Madonna to stop making bad music.
* The person who suggested to Madonna that a wealthy middle-aged woman like herself should maybe consider tucking in her vagina from time to time.
Right, now that’s out of the way, it’s on with the news. Remember Mercy James? Of course you do – she’s the little orphan from Malawi who can’t win. Earlier this year Madonna did everything in her power to adopt Mercy James, an act that would condemn her to spending the rest of her life in a nightmarish whirlwind of soulless, out-of-touch celebrity obnoxiousness and having to occasionally visit Guy Ritchie.
However, stung by the backlash from her previous adoption, the Malawian Supreme Court then refused to grant Madonna’s adoption application on the basis that she hadn’t permanently lived in Malawi for 18 months, thereby condemning Mercy James to a lifetime of poverty and, probably, an early death from something like Malaria. That poor girl. Malaria on one hand and Guy Ritchie on the other. We don’t know which one we’d chose, in fairness.
So what did Madonna do? Did she simply give up on Mercy James? No chance – she gave up on Mercy James, then fell off a horse, then changed her mind and decided to appeal the court’s ruling. And if reports are to be believed, she’s only gone and done it. The Daily Mail reports:
Three Malawian appeal court judges will reverse the original verdict, blocking the singer’s bid in March, her lawyer said. Alan Chinula passed on the news, after persuading two of the three appeal judges to alter their decisions… The official ruling will be announced next Sunday at Malawi’s Supreme Court of Appeal.
So congratulations Madonna. You finally got what you wanted. You’ve proved us all wrong with your steely resolve, and for that you should be commended.
Now, for crying out loud, nobody tell Madonna that she can’t make a sequel to Body Of Evidence.
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Karla says
lol