Everyone loves photos of Madonna and Guy Ritchie clutching each other’s hands in a grimly unconvincing demonstration of love, don’t they.
So make the most of them while you can, because you might not see any more of them. According to reports, Madonna and Guy Ritchie now hate each other so much that they only communicate through staff, and they’re both keen on getting a divorce finalised by Christmas.
This really is a win-win – if they’re not getting divorced, we get to look at more photos of Guy Ritchie and Madonna in public trying to pretend that they like one another. And if they are getting divorced? Well, that means the rest of us have a shot at the gnarly-clawed single mother and the potato-faced idiot that have just come onto the market. Everyone’s happy.
Yes, we know what you’re thinking. Every couple of weeks there’s a new story about how Madonna and Guy Ritchie are getting divorced, but the divorce never materialises. In fact, if you believe everything you read about Madonna and Guy Ritchie you’d be forgiven for thinking that their marriage is a kind of hellish mixture of Who’s Afraid Of Virgina Woolf? and the bit in Saw 3 with the pig guts and the mincer.
There were rumours of a Madonna/ Guy Ritchie divorce two years ago, but nothing happened. Then, more recently, Madonna hired a divorce lawyer right before it emerged she was somehow involved in the break-up of Alex Rodriguez’s marriage, but no divorce emerged.
That means everything’s OK between Madonna and Guy Ritchie, doesn’t it? Especially since every single divorce rumour has been met head-on with a choreographed excursion where Madonna and Guy Ritchie go out to dinner to prove their love in front of the media, even though they always both look utterly miserable and stand about as far away from each other as they possibly can while still holding hands. That’s how all married couples display their love, isn’t it?
Well, no. And if today’s reports can be believed, then Madonna and Guy Ritchie will be completely divorced by Christmas because that’s just how much they hate each other. The Sun reports:
Madonna and Guy Ritchie are to divorce, The Sun can exclusively reveal. A statement confirming their marriage is over has been prepared and is set to be released imminently. The couple are going public with their split because they “can’t bear to live with the pretence any longer.” … She and Guy, 40, want a divorce finalised before Christmas.
We’ll have to see if this divorce talk is true, or whether it means Madonna and Guy Ritchie will have to roll out another frosty crag-faced outing for the press. But if it is true, then it’s terribly sad news. They’ve been together for almost eight years now – if they get divorced then how are they going to divide up all of Madonna’s stuff? And, you know, who gets to keep David Banda? Madonna or the bloke who never even wanted him in the first place? It’s a toughie.
Either way, if Madonna and Guy Ritchie really are getting divorced, then we wish the best for both of them. It’s obviously a better solution than just carrying on living miserably with each other – plus this way they get to play the field a bit now.
After all, even though Madonna is 50 now, she could probably still take her pick of most men if she wanted. And, who knows, now that RocknRolla‘s been released there’s a chance that Guy Ritchie might even get a pity shag if he sets his sights impossibly low enough.
shooty* says
I believe that this is the first step on her giving up the “Madge-wearing-a-wax-jacket-and-going-down-the-local-with-her-pet-dog-for-a-pint-of-bitter” era, and the start of a move back to America.
Always struck me as a bit wierd anyway.
Terence says
If you watch how Guy Ritchie talks about their relationship, his body language says it all. It is the same body language that I saw between Hillary Swank and Chad Lowe. — Cheers