Madonna is like the wind blowing across a round Irish hill, gently carving a path through its tall waving grass.
She is like one thousand butterflies gracefully fluttering their wings as they fly around a dead tree that was felled by beavers like five years or something. She is like a tiger that can’t be tamed, like a peanut butter sandwich that can’t be eaten in less than two sittings.
Also, she is like an old woman who is tired of being married by some reports, and so is consulting the same divorce lawyer that helped Paul McCartney weave his way back to single-dom.
She is like a hecklerspray article that you simply must read more of…
Career-wise everything has always been tops for Madonna. H&M hired her once. Also she makes movies and sometimes sings into things like microphones or what-have-you.
Personal-wise though – things are looking grim. Not only does she now have to raise a third kid until she’s ninety because some African court demanded it, but also her marriage is supposedly built on some very loose rocks even though she likes to sleep with her husband all the time.
Times Online fills in some of the details:
“She did it for Macca — now she can do it for Madonna. Fiona Shackleton, the divorce lawyer who ensured that Sir Paul McCartney retained all but £24.3 million of his £825 million fortune, has been lined up by the 49-year-old pop star. Madonna, whose fortune is estimated at £300 million, is understood to be seeking legal advice on a possible divorce from her husband of seven years, the film director Guy Ritchie.”
Guy Ritchie's not sitting idly by, mind you – he's lawyering up too, apparently, and maybe thinking about going on dates with Cyndi Lauper once this whole thing blows over. This is a shame though – we really thought the Ritchie-Madonnas were in it for the long haul. It must be more difficult having those old hands wrap around your jaw whenever she kisses you than we thought.
Could you imagine that? We bet it feels sandpapery.