As we all know, there’s nothing that strongly-religious wilderness-dwelling female politicians like more than having a 50-year-old vajuju repeatedly into their faces.
And, as such, we’re fully expecting Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin to be inconsolable now that Madonna has decided to ban her from her concerts. According to reports, Madonna told her New Jersey audience on Saturday that Sarah Palin wasn’t welcome at any of her shows.
But Sarah Palin isn’t called Sarah Barracuda for nothing, and so she’s gone on the counter-attack. Madonna doesn’t want to see Sarah Palin at any of her concerts? Fine – but if we were Madonna we wouldn’t be expecting an invitation for Sarah Palin’s next ‘shoot a wolf from a helicopter and saw off its leg for the bounty’ party. Your loss, Madonna. Your loss.
Well, famous people, you’ve finally done it now. Thanks to all your meddling – all your intense interviews and sort of spinning around in the garden tantrums – you’ve finally done it good and proper. John McCain has never been so far behind in the election polls, and that means Sarah Palin will never get to be president of America. We hope you’re proud.
What’s Sarah Palin going to do now? Without all the razzle dazzle of an election campaign, things are going to get awfully boring for Sarah Palin. There are only so many times you can field dress a moose before you run out of moose to field dress, and things could even get so dull that Sarah Palin might have to resort to making sure her teenage daughter doesn’t have any more unprotected sex for entertainment. Boring!
But of course there’s one thing that Sarah Palin could do to relieve her boredom – she could go to a Madonna concert. Sure, Madonna’s not really Sarah’s kind of music, and all that pretending to be Jesus thing is sort of icky, but if she’s got nothing better to do then, doggone it, what’s she got to lose?
Except Sarah Palin can’t go a Madonna concert. Ever. Because Madonna has decided to ban her from all of her concerts ever. She even said so herself, as the New York Post reports:
At one point during the US kickoff of her “Sticky and Sweet” tour at the Meadowlands Saturday night, the Material Mom indulged her Republican-hating ways, shouting, “Sarah Palin can’t come to my party. Sarah Palin can’t come to my show. It’s nothing personal.” Then the kabbalah queen told the crowd, “Here’s the sound of Sarah Palin’s husband’s snowmobile when it won’t start,” followed by a loud screeching noise.
Brilliant. In fact, we’d even go as far as to say that Madonna should give up this music lark and take her ‘impressions of things that Sarah Palin owns when they malfunction’ tour on the road full-time. We’d love to hear all the old classics like “Here’s the sound of Sarah Palin’s washing machine when it won’t work – bombabombabomba,” or “Here’s the sound of Sarah Palin trying to put on a shoe that’s too small for her – ick-ick-ick-ick-ick,” or the enduring favourite “Here’s the sound of Sarah Palin’s TV breaking down in the middle of Desperate Housewives – YARRRR!”
But, whatever, Sarah Palin can’t go to Madonna’s concert. Big deal. Sarah Palin is far too much of a lady to pay to watch a 50-year-old woman desperately try and recapture her youth by singing a number of generic popsongs with her vagina hanging out.
Now, if that vagina had wolves hanging out of it and Sarah Palin had a shotgun and a helicopter – different story altogether.
rochelle says
hm
Julian Mentat says
LOTS of us can’t go to your gigs, Madders, because the tickets are too f*cking expensive!
J Bollocks says
“hm” … God you don’t leave anything to the imagination do you rochelle?
J Bollocks says
And a comment all of my own;
What is it about screeching middle-aged harpies? I think we going to have to rewrite the definition of “bitchy” on this one.
Any sane female human-being would be glad that a women had a chance to be VP and possibly the P.
Andrea says
Dude, you need to find another hobby.
Andrew Thomas says
Madonnas my new favroite singer. Go to hell Palin; because your the antichrist. I have devoted my life to wolves, and I support Madonnas decision 100%.