Madonna is a woman with her finger on the pulse. Sadly, it's not the pulse of modern culture that Madonna has her finger on, it's the pulse of how to annoy humourless idiots in tedious ways.
Madonna is in a whole lot of trouble for deciding to do a little sing-song on her latest tour. Strapped to a cross. With a thorny crown on her head. It's not so much that Madonna appears to be mocking Jesus that has offended the masses, though – it's got more to do with the way that all her songs are rubbish and she looks a bit like a stupid old lady these days. Oh OK, it's the Jesus thing.
Who'd be a Christian these days? If The Da Vinci Code hasn't put people off going to church – the two-pronged attack of Tom Hanks mocking the church and Cardinals going bandy about the book is a hard one to resist – then Madonna is reprising all that schlocky hamfisted church-bashing that we thought she'd got out of her system 15 years ago.
According to reports, the opening night of Madonna's latest tour contained a moment when Madonna performed the ballad Live To Tell while suspended from a giant mirrored crucifix. And, boy oh boy, is the church ever angry about it. Never mind that it's basically an old lady doing a bit of a lame stunt to try and get people interested in her music again, when has the church ever passed up the chance to bluster and whine about stuff? The Church Of England has already put out a statement tutting at Madonna:
"Why would someone with so much talent seem to feel the need to promote herself by offending so many people?"
And David Muir of the Evangelical Alliance has his own opinion about Madonna's crucifixion:
"Madonna's use of Christian imagery is an abuse and it is dangerous. She should drop it from the tour and people need to find their own means of expressing their disapproval."
All this anger just for little old Madonna, a woman with a hernia who falls off horses and doesn't like Mariah Carey very much. We're sure Madonna doesn't mean to offend anyone with her crucifixion stunt, no more than the crazy red-eyed lady who hangs about outside Dixons means to offend anyone when she lifts up her skirt at strangers and cries a lot. Plus, come on, it's Madonna. Taking the piss out of the church is her bread and butter.
But, hey, it could be worse – Madonna could have worn one of those eye-bleeding old lady gyno-leotards on her tour instead.
[story by Stuart Heritage]