Sorry to tell you this, but the greatest episode of Dog The Bounty Hunter never made will now stay that way.
Lindsay Lohan is no longer on the run. Sure, for Lindsay Lohan it means her arrest warrant has been quashed and she can get on with her life, but for us it means we’ll have to stop stalking Lindsay Lohan in bushes with a blowdart and a net, waiting for her to give us a clear shot at her carotid artery.
And we needed that reward money, too. Damn you, Lindsay Lohan. Damn you and your consistent law-abiding tendencies!
A remake of the Chained Heat movies starring Lindsay Lohan would certainly be a box office draw, in that it’d be just the same as Chained Heat, but the acting would be worse and the entire audience would be audibly praying for none of the prisoners to take their underwear off.
And until yesterday, the idea of Lindsay Lohan going to jail for a series of glamorous, erotic and weirdly dated adventures seemed like a real possibility, after an arrest warrant was taken out against her following an alleged probation violation involving something about her bloody booze rehab or whatever.
You’ll forgive our lack of details, but it doesn’t really matter any more. You see, Lindsay Lohan’s arrest warrant has been overturned by a judge who may or may not have based his decision on the possibility of seeing I Know Who Killed Me 2: I Also Know Who Excavated My Corpse go into production. AP reports:
Judge Marsha N. Revel determined that the actress has been complying with the terms of her probation but needs to show her treatment program better documentation to avoid future court problems. The judge also noted that Lohan has not failed any drug or alcohol tests. “As you saw in court, this was really much ado about nothing,” [attorney] Holley told reporters after the hearing.
This will be bittersweet news for Lindsay Lohan. After all, it was a similar probation violation that landed Paris Hilton in jail, and the last thing that Lindsay Lohan wants is to become a star of several unsuccessful films and a failed singer like Paris Hil… oh, wait a minute.
Besides, the arrest warrant would have allowed Lindsay Lohan to live rough on the streets forraging for scraps to eat for a while, but now it’s been quashed she’ll have to think of another excuse for why she looks so scrawny and tatty and exhausted all the time. And the new excuse can’t be that she works too hard because, come on, we’ve got eyes.
Still, despite all this the overturning of her arrest warrant will be a huge relief for Lindsay Lohan. Now she’ll able to complete her probation with no more trouble. Unless fighting in public, allegedly stealing outerwear from aristocrats and being a staggeringly objectionable twatflap suddenly become illegal, that is. Because then Lindsay Lohan will be effed.
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Jeff says
Lesbiany – WTF kind of word is that? I’m sure it makes your english teacher proud.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/lesbiany
No results found for lesbiany
magnetite says
Jeff, I’m sure that your English teacher would be disheartened to see you using acronyms for a phrase that is only thirteen fucking letters including spaces. What the fuck. See? Not that much of an onerous task, is it? We all have broadband now. If you’ve downloaded more than a gigabyte of porn, then the gods of the internet won’t punish you for not saving bandwidth by typing longhand.
My teacher, incidentally, would probably be pleased that I no longer spend all lesson staring at her tits. This is because I have left school and she’s about 65 now.
Fred says
ROFL!