Paris Hilton's big list of things she isn't very good at contains entries like 'acting,' 'singing,' and 'having two symmetrical eyes' – but it looks like Paris Hilton might have to now add 'driving a car well enough to avoid jail' to the foot of the list too.
After Paris Hilton was found driving her car down Sunset Boulevard last month – despite having her license revoked as part of a previous drink-driving punishment – police were keen to throw the book at her. And now it looks like that'll happen, since the Los Angeles City Attorney's Office announced yesterday that Paris Hilton violated the terms of her probation and faces up to 90 days in jail. Not that it'll bother Paris Hilton, obviously, as she's already got a criminal record – it's called Stars Are Blind. Ha! Stars Are Blind! Criminal record! Are you with us? Are you with us? Right? Anybody?
There are two places you don't want to mix with Paris Hilton. One is at a party – go to a party with Paris Hilton and you'll end up either falling off the roof or seeking a Hilton-centric restraining order – and the other is in her car. Because – as well you know – Paris Hilton is as hopeless at driving a car as she is at having it off with blokes without it ending up all over the internet.
In the past Paris Hilton has been the passenger in a car crash, the driver in a car crash and – less pertinently – unable to stop pissing herself in a taxi, but none of those incidents were taken as seriously as when Paris Hilton was arrested for DUI last year. Even though Paris Hilton initially pleaded not guilty to the charge – babbling something about burgers in the process – eventually Paris copped to a no contest plea, and was duly punished with a fine, an order to attend alcohol education classes and a 36-month probation period.
Part of that probation involved Paris Hilton not being allowed to speed down Sunset Boulevard at night with her headlights turned off, so it was kind of a shame when Paris Hilton was stopped by the LAPD for doing that exact thing last month. And now it's starting to look increasingly likely that Paris Hilton is going to go to jail for it, as E! Online reports:
The 26-year-old heiress violated her probation last month when police caught her driving with a suspended license, the Los Angeles City Attorney's Office announced Thursday, and she's facing a maximum 90-day jail sentence if a judge agrees… If Hilton knew that the DMV had temporarily revoked her driving privileges, "that would be a potential violation of her probation," City Attorney's Office spokesman Nick Velasquez told E! Online. "And we are confident that we have sufficient evidence to prove that her license was suspended and that she had knowledge of it at the time."
But even if Paris Hilton does end up in jail for breaking her probation, it's not the end of the world. After all, there's a vague chance that she could wind up having equally terrible driver Nicole Richie as her cell-mate, plus some of the more long-term prisoners won't have heard about Paris Hilton's dismal music career. And also, maybe the hotel heiress would be able to pick up some career tips from the inside of a jail. Perhaps it won't be too long before all Hilton hotel rooms come with a door-slot for food, a bucket to poo into and a red-eyed lesbian murderer dangerously swinging a rudimentary shiv around and hooting as standard.