Remember Levi Johnston? Of course you do. He’s the man who knocked Sarah Palin’s teenage daughter up that time. It was hilarious.
You remember. Sarah Palin was all like “I want to be vice president because anyone who has sex before marriage should be burnt to death as a prostitute” and Sarah Palin’s daughter was all like “Hey, my water just broke” and Levi Johnston was all like “Oops” and Sarah Palin was all like “Why I oughta…” Again, hilarious.
Anyway, Levi Johnston is in this month’s GQ holding a baby with his top off. Lord alone knows why.
Well well, this is quite the week for hormonal, slightly conservative girls with woefully misplaced affections, isn’t it? First Robert Pattinson decides to take his top off and now Levi Johnston has done exactly the same thing. At this rate it’s only a matter of time before we get to see Jonas midriff. It’s just like that specialist DVD we rented the other week; Boys Who Ostensibly Promote Pre-Marital Abstinence Gone Wild.
But anyway, back to the point in hand. You remember Levi Johnston. His careless impregnation of Sarah Palin’s teenage daughter was the only thing that lost Sarah Palin her shot at becoming the vice president of American. Well, that and her obvious lack of qualifications, love of shooting wolves from a helicopter with a machine gun, inexplicable belief that man and dinosaur lived together 6,000 years ago and total inability to speak in any recognisable form of English. But mainly the Levi Johnston thing.
Anyway, now that Sarah Palin has spectacularly blown her chances of ever holding a serious place in office again, Levi Johnston can get on with his simplistic, bemulletted, hunting-and-hockey-filled life. He doesn’t have to marry Bristol Palin for the sake of good public image any more, so the wedding’s off. And he doesn’t need to not gratuitously take his top off and clutch a baby for an interview with GQ magazine, so that, um, isn’t what he hasn’t done.
Fortunately the interview wasn’t as laser-focused on Levi Johnston’s areolae as the accompanying pictures. The interview was more about how Sarah Palin’s husband promised to buy Bristol a car if she broke up with Levi, as the New York Daily News reports:
In the magazine’s July issue, Johnston said First Dude Todd Palin, the governor’s husband, offered to buy Bristol a new car if she would dump him. “I know that her parents didn’t want us together. I really don’t think they did. So they probably put a little pressure on her. But at the same time, they told us they wanted us to get married when they found out Bristol was pregnant.”
But still, however sad it is that he appears to have lost Bristol Palin at her parents’ behest, at least we’ve got Levi Johnston now. He belongs to all of us, and we’re looking forward to reading his inevitable book about his experiences, just as soon as he’s realised that pens aren’t exclusively used to stab caribou in the jugular with.
We won’t hold our breath.
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Eugene says
Two words:
Who cares?
Martha says
Four words:
I could care less.
Bobby James says
Five words:
F@ck you!