You know what? I've come to the conclusion that Janet Jackson is probably my favourite out of all of the ill-fated Jackson Cloning experiments of the 50s and 60s.
Face it, she isn't the one that gave her children aggressively brainless names that make them sound like they're suffering a minor stroke due to an onset of unaccountable self-aggrandisement whenever they introduce themselves, like Jermaine did. She seems like less of a manic than LaToya. And there are fewer whispered rumours of ?shedosmilia? or ?smiled smape? than the dead one.
Of course, there are about 600 failed Jackson experiments that I haven't mentioned. I didn't mention them because it's impossible for any human being to have any knowledge of more than five at a time before the urge to cease existing becomes irresistible. Having said that though, I'd be willing to bet that not one of the other hundreds of Jacksons lurking on the edge of major cities waiting for the ?go code? to be transmitted to their frontal cortex can spark civil unrest with the slightest hint of their unclothed chebs being shown on prime time television. That fact alone makes Janet the best one.
But having total genital power over all teenage boys that cared enough to record, slow down and squint at the precise point that you could see a square centimetre of famous nork is not enough for Janet, no way. Now she's claiming to have discovered Lady Gaga. DigitalSpy honks:
Janet Jackson has reportedly claimed that she was aware of Lady GaGa before anyone knew who she was. “Before she made it, before anyone knew who she was, I knew who she was and, to see her finally make it, I was so happy.”
Doesn't that confirm her status as the Best Jackson? Not only is she a supreme talent scout, she can also see into the future. She knew who Lady Gaga was even before she knew herself. Of course, all of the Jacksons are known for their unimpeachable ethics and high moral standing, so it would be unfitting of us to speculate on this unprompted, frankly unrealistic claim.
It simply must be true. To suggest that it is just because people can barely remember who she is, other than the person who simultaneously corrupted the largest number of impressionable American children in living memory, sparking off mass juvenile orgies with merely a picosecond flash of boob, would be the act of a charlatan. Not to mention that she has a reissue of her Best Of out and each headline she gets is roughly equivalent to 4.5 units sold. No, it's far more likely that she trawled stripclubs on the Lower East Side of Manhattan looking for the next eccentric Madonna wannabe. Surely.
Besides, why would she pretend to have discovered someone like Lady Gaga? Surely the logical successor to the Jackson?s crown of Creating Overproduced Commercial Soul would be Chris Brown. The only trouble there is that her name would be linked to someone accused of a horrific physical cri- oh wait, nevermind.
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kelsey says
The dead one, you rude ass bastards.
Fuck_hEckler_wack_ass_website says
Umm yeah Janet is one of the highest selling artist in history and the 2 nd most sucessful female artist in rock history. This site is irrelavent and if it wasn’t for Janet Jackson I would not have even clicked on your wack ass link. Maybe you should thank her for giving your stupid site some traffic. Lol you and this site is trash.
Bunny says
Finally you found a way to stop the “dead one” from being picked up in google searches by retards, I am very proud of you!
BTW this font sucks donkey balls, It looks like it’s from The Times newspaper…hang your heads in shame.
Eugene says
“Madonna Wanna-be” sums up Lady Gaga very neatly.
I think that “The dead one” and Madonna have a degree of responsibility for an awful lot of bad stuff that’s happened to music — Namely, the ascendance of visual style over the actual music. Not that they were the only reasons that this has happened, but they both dramatically accellerated the trends in this direction. MJ was a serviceable musician, but a genius performer. Madonna was/is an indifferent singer, but a master marketer — her stuff is not very good, but the way that it’s packaged and sold is pure genius.
By themselves, this wouldn’t be too bad. The problem is that they made a major contribution towards shifting the music business to the position where image is paramount, and musical ability incidental. Technological changes (e.g. autotune) that can make almost anyone (e.g. Paris Hilton) sound okay are also partially to blame.
Oh well, I guess I’m just an old fart that thinks that “musical performers” ought to have some musical ability. Off to yell at those damn kids on my lawn…