The Celebrity Big Brother house has changed drastically in the absence of Lucy Pinder. How? Well, um…
Oh alright, the Celebrity Big Brother house hasn’t changed in the slightest since Lucy Pinder was evicted on Friday, mainly because the poor girl had all the charisma of a pebble. Honestly, we started hitting the side of our TV during Lucy’s eviction interview because we thought her weird droning voice was some sort of manufacturer’s defect.
But anyway, now that Lucy Pinder is gone, how are the other Celebrity Big Brother housemates holding up? Here’s our week two look at Ben Adams, Coolio, LaToya Jackson, Michelle Heaton and Mutya…
Ben Adams – All boyband members fulfill different roles – typically there's a rough one, a gay one, one who can actually sing etc – and judging by Ben Adam?s time in the Celebrity Big Brother house so far, we?d guess that he probably wasn?t A1?s interesting one. As personable as he appears to be, there's no mistaking the fact that Ben?s sole contribution to Celebrity Big Brother so far has been a slightly meandering anecdote about a girl he met who ordered some quite expensive things at a restaurant once. Fact – if Ben Adams leaves Celebrity Big Brother, nobody will notice he's gone.
Coolio – Without question, Coolio has become Celebrity Big Brother?s most polarising figure, splitting the house into those who can't stand the sight of him and those who really can't stand the sight of him. Make no mistake, Coolio?s a dead cert to run away with the next round of eviction nominations, and then it'll fall to the public to judge how popular he is. But Coolio can't be all bad, can he? After all, he manage to bully Lucy Pinder into showing a flicker of emotion, and we've heard that's pretty much impossible.
LaToya Jackson – Anyone hoping that LaToya Jackson would be identical to her silent, even-handed brother Jermaine in the Celebrity Big Brother house must be a little disappointed. It turns out that LaToya is a strange mixture of the manipulative, the conniving and the relentlessly downbeat – as evidenced by the weird naive little girl act she pulls whenever she wants something and all her whiny backstabbing to Coolio. At the moment, LaToya Jackson is easily the most underestimated Celebrity Big Brother contestant – something that?ll come back to haunt the other housemates when she stabs one of them to death in the sleep while cackling like a maniac. It'll happen, kids.
Michelle Heaton – And if LaToya Jackson is the most underestimated Celebrity Big Brother housemate, then Michelle Heaton is easily the most overestimated. We all assumed that she'd be all paranoid and spiteful and attention-seeking, but she's not. She's not anything. When God was handing out personalities, he accidentally gave Michelle Heaton a vast bottomless quarry that nothing could ever escape from. Still, at least she's got a pseudo-romance with Ben Adams going on, and that's nice to watch because it's clear that Ben is Michelle?s intellectual equal. Admittedly, most teacups are Michelle?s intellectual equal too, but have you ever tried having sex with a teacup? It's really bloody hard.
Mutya – We?ll admit that we had Mutya all wrong. We were expecting a snarling, punchy ghetto girl prone to surliness and tantrums, but we haven't seen that side of Mutya at all in the Celebrity Big Brother house so far. In fact, she's been sort of nice. So maybe it wasn?t her who started all the fights in the Sugababes after all. It was Heidi! Let's all go and burn her house down instead! But back to Celebrity Big Brother – Mutya?s got the inoffensive-and-quiet third place spot locked down. Mark our words.
Tomorrow: Our Celebrity Big Brother look at Tina Malone, Terry Christian, Tommy Sheridan, Ulrika Jonsson and Verne Troyer.