To mark fifty years on this planet gyrating and making everyone barf with her freaky biceps, Madonna is planning to film a sequel to 1991 all-about-me documentary In Bed With Madonna. Though now she is old, it’ll be less lingerie and candlesticks and more electric blankets and Tena Lady.
When Madonna took part in the inaugural In Bed With… she was on the eve of promoting her Blonde Ambition tour. Now she has a new gig to sell, ‘Hard Candy’, and another summer fighting off euthanasia to congratulate herself on.
Original director Alex Keshishian is due to return for the feature-length birthday update. He doesn’t work much these days so is presumably ecstatic at being able to move out of his parents’ house again.
A source close to someone close to Madonna told The London Paper:
It’s like an In Bed With Madonna but made for today. She leads an amazing, high-paced life now and Alex thought the time was right to do another documentary of her life and career.
Amazingly In Bed With Madonna remains the sixth highest grossing documentary of all time; amazing because it’s so boring they had to call it Truth or Dare in America to make it sound remotely saucy and amazing because it slots in just after March of the Penguins, which is similarly plodding but has Morgan Freeman doing voiceover and he is Jesus’s granddad.
Madonna has been a busy bee recently, updating her image from disco granny to curly ex-superstar with massive knockers, as seen in the Timberland produced 4 Minutes video alongside Justin Timberlake, who dribbles, gawping, as if he’s three months old and starving.
Also Mads has announced a new tour kicking off 23rd August at nursing homes around the world and last month won the adoption case to keep a Malawian baby she picked up in Duty Free. Next month Lameo magazine are instigating a competition with Angelina Jolie to see who can adopt the most kids in any country but here.
It’s not known whether Kevin Costner will make repeat appearance in Madonna’s beddy follow-up, spouting more gems like his infamous ‘neat’ first time around (she hated the comment; made her look neat).
If creaky Kev does show up he’ll no doubt have his own belated sequel to punt – Dances With My Zimmer Frame or maybe Robin Hood 2: Prince of Prescription Meds.
He and the former Miss Ciccone could have a chat on camera about the benefits of prune juice; that’ll be better than seeing Guy Richie wheeled into shot with his old Joanna for East End sing-along anyway.
Read More:
Madonna Plans Documentary Sequel – Female First
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
hahahh it’s funny how insignificant, and pathetic the author of this article is. If you’re a woman, you will happy that people like madonna did what they did, maybe you too will have a chance at still being sexy after 40, 50. Are older women supposed to die, madonna isn’t, and thank god she’s doing it with confidence.
who the fuck is Chris Laverty?
oh you think you got old jokes?
come on brother man…madonna is the greatest female artist of all time.
u can stop hatting any day now.
cuz u aint shyt
I have to agree with Brian and Curtis….”who the fuck is Chris Laverty? Never, not once have I heard of this “thing”! On the other hand….everyone over the past 26 years, everyone has heard of Madonna. YOU SUCK!!!!!!
“Truth or Dare” is a revolutionary film. It does a great deal to expose people’s ignorance world wide, in regards to sexism and religion. Madonna’s gift was that she knew how to laugh at herself. She was able to open some ways for people to celebrate the lives of others who died. The film sealed Madonna’s fate as an entertainer. She was able to make some important statements through the ritual performance of her songs on stage, all of which were beautiful. The film tells a little regarding the effects of the AIDS crisis. You have to remember, so many people were dying that there was a need for us to come through that plague by pulling together in spirit. Many of us Madonna’s age have had at least one person close to us in our families or lives who passed away in that epidemic. Madonna and her film facilitated some outlets for us to talk about this publicly and share our experiences.
What a spiteful, pointless article this is!
Chris Laverty who?
Who is this guy???? He´s not even funny and the sad thing is: he thinks he is….
Poor Chris…
What, Madonna cured AIDS by singing some songs? Has anyone notified Africa? I don’t think they got the memo.
Madonna is Fabulous.
She has done more for Fabulosity than any single
person in history. Before Madonna, many sad people were
Fabulous but couldn’t show it, or didn’t even know
they were Fabulous. How sad! Unfortunately, these
people who now know of their own tremendous Fabulosity
are also shallow and vain. Not one of these stupid, stupid
people has gone for the obvious “Chris Lavatory” pun
or countless others at their immediate disposal. Because wit
is not Fabulous. Intelligence is not Fabulous. Inventing
supercilious stage personae that shock the prurient, however,
is most definitely Fabulous. Rock on Madonna! Where
would we be without you? Oh. Right where we are. Oops.
Life doesn’t stop just because you hit 40+ Why should we expect Madonna to stop what she’s doing, it’s her career!
Are you telling me Chris Laverty that once you hit 50 you should step down and stop doing whatever it is you think you do? I have news for you, stop now, you pathetic idiot.
Lavatory? Oh, I see, because it sounds similar, right? Euclid, you are one kerrazy cat with all the jokes and the fabulous and that. Just kerrazy!
You are kerrect sir. I am as kerrazy as
the night is long. In fact, all the others at
the horsefarm tell me I am sooo kerrazy
I can’t be trusted with a spoon. A plastic spoon! wow.
That’s like 13 levels past super secret agent kerrazy.
I’m practically intergalactic. I’m a gin marshmallow.
I’m so kerrazy, I haven’t even been invented yet.
You remind of one of those people on Facebook who calls their drunken photo albums ‘Me and the guys tearing up Leeds!’ or ‘Mayhem in Manchester!’ – because you’re so kerrazy.
Yeah; actually the irony’s meant to be double thick on that last one
in response to your own, but I think I shot wide, so to speak. Apologies.
As for the gratuitous toilet joke: an attempt to conform to house style
while taking the piss out of some seriously retarded posts. As in, “not bright enough to notice the floor” or in this case, the 8 year-old pun. Crystal?
‘Crystal’? Why, yes sir, Lieutenant Kaffee, you have made your point. Madonna will surely love you now.
Skew lines. Why would I give a toss
what Madonna thinks about anything?
Now, P-Doh on the other hand –
there’s some true genius. I’m off to buy
another trilby. I broke the last one
by thinking too loud.
You’re not really going to buy a trilby at all. You’re a liar.
Heaven forefend! And here on H-spray!
The last great bastion of the unvarnished
and slightly pimply Truth! My shame
knows no bounds. You’ve caught me out.
Hey Chris, Brian says to you, “u can stop hatting any day now.”
Is it true you’re a hatter? I’m looking into buying a fedora in the near future and…
I’m as mad as a hatter, me! No, let’s not go there again.
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