Remember when Jon & Kate Plus 8 was fun? No, of course you don’t – it’s only either been tedious or depressing.

And now it’s both. But somehow even more so. But still, at least the personal lives of Jon and Kate Gosselin are hilariously tragic, so that’s something. Both Jon and Kate have been whining to the media over the last few days – Kate because she’s lonely and Jon because he hates Jon & Kate Plus 8. It’s sad.

No, wait, not sad – what’s the word for when you want to start cutting yourself because someone won’t shut up? Anyway, it’s that.

Do you know what the best thing about Jon & Kate Plus 8 is? Nothing. Not even under a veil of irony and sarcasm can we say anything even remotely good about Jon & Kate Plus 8. Watching it makes you feel like you’re being lobotomised by someone’s foot, and all the off-camera shenanigans are just a miserable reminder that people are both greedy and colossally stupid. It’s the all-time low-point of humanity, and science can probably back that claim up.

Just look what Jon & Kate Plus 8 has done to the Gosselin family – it’s ruined their lives. It’s torn apart a presumably once-happy marriage, and created a small army of emotionally needy, potentially drug-dependent kids in the process. Actually, now we come to think about it, that’s probably the best thing about Jon & Kate Plus 8, isn’t it?

Those with an upsettingly meagre amount of things to do with their lives may remember that police were called to the Gosselin residence recently, because of a fight between Jon and Kate. Well, the fallout to that incident has happened – and the bad news is it’s a bit whiny.

Let’s take Jon Gosselin first. Jon & Kate Plus 8 might have given him a massive house, a clothing line and a string of girlfriends who wouldn’t pay a fat, beaten-down pushover like him the time of day if he wasn’t on the telly, but that hasn’t stopped him from whining about how much he hates it. Jon told Usmagazine:

“I wish I had a 9 to 5 job instead of the nightmare I’m living. This is 24/7. I don’t even want to do taping for the show anymore.”

And what about the Gosselin kids? This must be an incredibly upsetting time for them – how are they reacting to the schism between their parents? Says MSNBC:

Jon and Kate Gosselin’s 5-year-old sextuplets and 8-year-old twins are starting to rebel against the constant taping of their lives. “The kids staged a sit-in — a revolt,” Jon Gosselin told Life & Style on Aug. 13. “They didn’t want to work today.”

This all looks pretty conclusive, doesn’t it? Jon Gosselin doesn’t want to keep making Jon & Kate Plus 8, the kids don’t want to keep making Jon & Kate Plus 8 – that just leaves Kate Gosselin. Surely, more than anyone else, Kate understands the corrosive effect the show has had on her life. Because of Jon & Kate Plus 8 she’s split up with her husband, had a cookery book canned and become one of the most reviled women on TV. So obviously she wants the show to end as well, right People?

“Everyone works. Everyone has a job… Myself and the kids will continue the show. I signed my name to a contract and I am going to do my best to make that work as long as it is healthy and safe for myself and the kids.”

Now that might sound a bit heartless, but you need to understand that people have varying definitions of the phrase ‘healthy and safe’. You, for example, might think that the profoundly negative effect of being filmed around the clock in the wake of their parents’ traumatic divorce would make them neither healthy or safe. And that’s fine. But Kate Gosselin is their mother, and she knows that the kids are healthy and safe right up to the point that one of them sets themselves on fire and leaps off their roof screaming “Why mummy? Why?” And that’s fine too. Sort of.

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