There have been several reactions to the news that Ashlee Simpson is getting engaged to that fool from Fall Out Boy.
Some have reacted with disgust that their pretty little Ashlee Simpson could fall for such a whiny-looking twerp. Others have reacted with disgust that their emo hero Pete Wentz could for such a gormless pop twonk. Other really couldn’t care less either way. Most people really couldn’t care less either way.
Not Jessica Simpson, though. Harnessing the skills that have built up her reputation as a fearless innovator, Jessica Simpson has inexplicably decided to be pleased for Ashlee and Pete – marking the first time in history that a woman has been pleased that another woman is getting married.
It’s easy to see why Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy fell in love – after all, she’s got a new nose and an oddly-spelled name and he’s the bassist who plays the bass in that band with the bass parts that he plays himself on a bass guitar. It’s literally an irresistable combination.
And, following the news that Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz are engaged, this irresistablityness has rubbed off on those closest to the couple. OK, those closest to Ashlee Simpson – Pete Wentz’s nearest and dearest haven’t learnt to form sentences yet and, besides, they aren’t famous so their opinions aren’t worth a soggy fart.
Basically, Jessica Simpson has decided to talk about Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz getting engaged. Emerging from the St Gary’s Convalescent Centre For The Unfortunately Stinky-Pissed, Jessica Simpson spoke of her happiness at the news of the engagement and, as People reports, actually came off sounding quite creepy:
“My sister is overflowing with joy. Pete is an incredible soul. They naturally bring out the best in each other. I couldn’t be happier.”
Ashlee Simpson couldn’t be luckier that she’s got Jessica Simpson as a sister. Jessica will be able to give Ashlee all the support and advice that she needs in the run-up to the wedding, like insights on how to get the best reality TV show deal from the marriage and how to not get divorced until at least two months after said reality TV show gets cancelled to stop people thinking it was nothing more than a big publicity-seeking sham. Invaluable.
So, hey, if Ashlee Simpson is happy and Jessica Simpson is happy, then what about old Daddy Joe Simpson? Guess what – he’s happy too:
“[Pete] did ask me. I told him that I would be honored to have him as part of my family.”
Honoured, but only so long as he promises to has cosmetic work done on his breasts first. Ain’t nobody in the Simpson clan gonna have baby ta-tas, male or female!
Read more:
Jessica Simpson ‘Couldn’t Be Happier’ for Ashlee and Pete – People
Rob Delaney says
What? Pete Wentz is the bassist?
You sure about that?
kara says
You sound like a jealous old fart.
mst3kster says
kara, what does a jealous old fart sound like? A wet one that leaves a permanent stain in your underware?
Maybe one of those high-pitched farts that grabs the attention of any dog in a three mile radius?
Or,is it one of those deep sounding farts that tells those in hearing distance that you ate one too many egg salad sandwiches?