It was love at first sight for Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson.
Well, we imagine it was. Each had to do the standard offhand hair flick to adjust the superfluous strands of long bangs stylishly obscuring their vision to confirm it. But yeah, love at first sight followed by months of blissful romps through studded belt stores and romantic evenings painting each other’s fingernails black and applying excessive eyeliner.
Ashlee and Fall Out Boy guitarist Pete Wentz fell in love and just got engaged. Literally just right now. Two seconds ago. Keep up, people. There’s some lovely mocking to be had.
You know Ashlee Simpson. Aside from the fact that she’s the poster child for wannabe pseudo-rocker chicks (Avril Lavigne was positively devastated to be knocked off her 5-year poster child streak, you know), she’s also the lesser known of the infamous Simpson sisters. We, of course, mean lesser known to father/manager Joe Simpson, because Jessica Simpson is the daughter with the actual ability to somewhat sing, movie roles, and most importantly the double D’s he so openly pervs about.
Luckily, Ashlee has been able to find love that she neglected to receive from her father, any singer able to sing live for real, and millions of hopping mad Superbowl fans. And she’s found it with Pete Wentz. He’s known for being the guitarist for Fall Out Boy, but we read an AOL interview he did using AIM and he typed ‘haha’ like a hundred times, or something. He should be known for that. That’s much cooler. Anyway, here’s Ashlee’s generic ‘give us lots of publicity, but respect our privacy’ statement:
“We know there has been a lot of speculation recently about Pete and I, and we wanted our fans to be the first to know, because you guys are the best. Yes, we are thrilled to share that we are happily engaged. Thank you for all of your support and well wishes – it means the world to us. We consider this to be a very private matter, and we wanted to be the first to tell you and to hear it straight from us.”
Ashlee’s all about getting things straight nowadays. Like her nose and making it clear that her boyfriend is.
Well, there you have it. Petey also made a statement saying the couple is ‘past the honeymoon period‘. Well, duh! They’ve been together a year. A whole year. Do people even stay together for that long anymore? How old fashioned Ozzie and Harriet-ish of them, complete with a white picket fence and separate twin beds.
And now that that pesky honeymoon period has come and gone, we anxiously await the rumoured pregnancy, birth of a child who’ll be given a stupid name, marriage, and divorce, with the unauthorized release of sex tape thrown in there somewhere. Yay!
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gir says
Leave it to hecklerspray to not do their reaserch; as if anyone is sruprised at this poing:
PENTZ WETE IS THE ABSSIST FOR FALL OUT BOY NOT GUITARST!!!
also hes less of a bassist than a walking, talking, shitty-lyrics-writing sellout machine, who is really stoked to be collaborating with Nordstroms
Rob Delaney says
You are SO going to get inundated with badly spelled, eyeliner stained, emo hate mail. With caps lock on. About how you don’t understand.
He’s the bassist, BTW. Technically still a guitarist, I suppose, but just for the sake of accuracy ;)
Rob Delaney says
Man, gir just proved my point. “abssist”? “poing”? “sruprised”?
FEEL THE RAGE!
mst3kster says
What a spectacular and romantic wedding it will be, with Ashlee lip syncing her vows and all…
euclid says
OMG-YOU HATERZ!!! FIRST DO-BOY GETS TUCKED THEN
YOU ARE SOOO TOTALLY CRULE ABOUT THES REALLY TALENTED
AND ARE YOU JEALOUS BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST JEALOUS FAMAOUS
THEN YOU AND RICHER SO STOPPING RITING THIS HATERZ AND
WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING NICE WHY DON”T YOU!!!
and why did you drown the puppies, Plato?
euclid says
Note to RobDel –
I tried making points in these posts, but it was boring
and made Maurice mad, so now i just make poings
which are kind of like points but a little lighter, springier
and more entertaininging. Oh, what’s the poing.
gir says
You forgot “GUITARST” and “reaserch” and, most tellingly, “PENTZ WETE”
but everything i post is completely serious
gir says
actually i think i like it better as “WETE PENTZ”
Rob Delaney says
*nods*
It does have a ring to it.
I was going to mention guitarst etc, but that would have just been pedantic after the first 3.