As Jennifer Lopez is so fond of reminding us, she used to have a little now she got a lot – but it seems that she was discussing the contents of her over-stuffed womb all along.
That's because Jennifer Lopez isn't just pregnant, but pregnant with twins. David Lopez broke the news of Jennifer Lopez's impending twins during an interview on a Spanish-language TV show.
Although let's not forget that the Spanish word for 'twins' and the Spanish word for 'underwhelming singing voice' are very similar, so there's a good chance that David Lopez was merely providing a randomly-timed, somewhat harsh critique of Jennifer Lopez's performance style for the Spanish-speaking community.
Today might just be the most depressing day in the history of hecklerspray. Look along the 'recent posts' list there in the sidebar – two deaths, one genocide, imprisonment, deliberate drug-taking, accidental drug-taking, mental illness and Chantelle Houghton. Could it get any worse? Where are all the lovely stories about happy things?
Well how about this – Jennifer Lopez is pregnant with twins! Yes, that is a happy story, actually. Be happy. Happier. BE HAPPIER! That's better.
Although Jennifer Lopez has been secretive to the point of dementia about her pregnancy – only revealing that she was pregnant at all three months after most people assumed that she was either pregnant or the host of some gargantuan ovarian cyst – those around her haven't been quite as good at keeping schtum.
First Jennifer Lopez's costume designer blabbed about her pregnancy long before it was officially announced. And now Jennifer Lopez's own father has decided to reveal to a Spanish-language TV show exactly how many unborn babies she's got wedged up her chuff. MSNBC reports:
"Yes, twins,” he told the Spanish language TV show, People reported. “The thing is in my family, my sister also had twins, so it's a hereditary thing," he said. And he already has gifts for the impending arrivals. "In Puerto Rico it's custom to buy an azabache [jet black, stone] bracelet for babies to protect them from the evil eye, it's part of our culture," he said.
Of course, Jennifer Lopez giving birth to twins is only half the story – it'll be when Angelina Jolie also gives birth to her twins that things really get interesting. Because then the Lopez-Jolie Twin-Off To The Death can start. It won't be pretty – in fact it'll be downright harrowing – but the important target demographic of people who enjoy watching babies beat other babies to death has been silenced for too long to not make it happen.
Anyway. Although Jennifer Lopez might be harbouring feelings of anger towards her father for revealing that she's pregnant with twins against her will, she really shouldn't be. That's because Jennifer Lopez is due any day now, so David Lopez only spoiled the surprise by a handful of hours at best.
And what a proud moment that birth will be, as Jennifer Lopez experiences the jumble of extreme emotions that only a new mother can know – the thrill of creating life, the fear that something might happen to them and the sadness that she'll no longer have two big baby-sized lumps jutting out of her belly to counterbalance the hilarious size of her gigantic bottom. It'll be a rollercoaster, make no mistake of that.
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mst3kster says
“Of course, Jennifer Lopez giving birth to twins is only half the story – it’ll be when Angelina Jolie also gives birth to her twins that things really get interesting. Because then the Lopez-Jolie Twin-Off To The Death can start…”
Sorry folks, but Paris Hilton is off trying to get knocked up with triplets.
gir says
Fucking three guys at once is not the same thing as trying to get knocked up with triplets.
mst3kster says
Your right, gir; however, Paris wasn’t at Havard to get an education. :)