It always looked like Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony made beautiful music together – well, OK, maybe not beautiful music.
Alright, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony made horrible music together. And some genuinely terrible films. But at least they looked happy, and that’s what’s important. Except that they’re probably not happy, since they’ve both been seen without their wedding rings lately, sparking rumours of an impending divorce.
Apparently it’s all because Jennifer Lopez thinks Marc Anthony is too controlling – plus Marc is furious about that time he got sucked halfway up J-Lo’s bumhole when she bent over and created a giant vacuum.
Jennifer Lopez loves marriage. You can tell because all her films are about marriage. The Wedding Planner, Monster-In-Law, harrowing domestic abuse drama Enough – hopelessly romantic pro-marriage gigglefests each and every one.
But in case you’ve decided that you’ll never watch a Jennifer Lopez movie for fear that halfway through you’ll go mad, pull out your eyes and get led from the cinema by paramedics with a delighted look on your face, you’ll still know how much Jennifer Lopez loves getting married. This is because Jennifer Lopez gets married all the bloody time.
In her time, Jennifer Lopez has been married to that man she sued because he wrote a book about her, a sort of Federline-lite named Chris Judd and, most recently, Marc Anthony. And, like many people, we assumed that Jennifer Lopez would stay with Marc Anthony forever.
This is because Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are inseparable – they make films together, they go on tour together, they have babies together – and also because, when they stand side-by-side, Marc Anthony’s weird ratty face diverts people’s attention away from Jennifer Lopez’s gigantic planet-sized buttocks. Really, they are the perfect fit.
Except they might not be. Reports are suggesting that Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are on the cusp of divorce. According to Newsday:
The hullabaloo began when Us magazine posted a story online noting that Lopez attended a movie premiere without her 8-carat diamond engagement ring, her wedding band – or her husband. Anthony, meanwhile, was reportedly seen in Las Vegas a week earlier, without his wedding band. “He’s very, very controlling of her.” a close Anthony pal told Us. “The skirts aren’t as short. You don’t see so much of that booty anymore.”
For what it’s worth, both Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony say that their marriage is fine, which could mean a) their marriage really is fine and they both just had to take their wedding rings off because of residual finger-swell stemming from the time that they were both attacked by hand-obsessed adders in their sleep or b) they’ll be divorced by Easter.
Either way, it’s terribly sad news. Terribly sad because Jennifer Lopez has a nasty habit of making films with people she’s romantically involved with and, if she divorces Marc Anthony and takes up with someone else, that all but guarantees that Jennifer Lopez will make another film. Haven’t we all suffered enough, Jennifer? Haven’t we?
Shooty* says
I don’t get J-Lo. Is she REALLY that popular? With whom? What does she do? Really? She’s not as good looking as Penelope Cruz or Mariah Carey, she’s not as good a singer/ dancer as Beyonce, she can’t act, Shakira’s got a better arse, Rihanna’s got better tunes. What’s her point?
Snotty says
Penelope Cruz looks alot like Marc Anthony with a tan and her head is the same size as her neck but she can act, Mariah Carey looks like a puffer fish with chicken lips that reguardless of the incredible voice she has chooses to sing cheezy songs, Beyonce is a lumbering transgender over exposed cow, Shakira’s voice is worse than nails across a chalk board, and Rihanna is cute but she sings in one tone and needs to grow her hair backout to cover that giraff neck she has.
J-lo is mediocre at everything she does except at finding stupid, nasty men who would lower themselve to wallow in whatever P-Diddy/Shawn Combs/Puffy disgusting self oozed all over.
Shooty* says
You’ll note I didn’t comment on Shakira’s voice.
snotty says
Your right…..I’m sorry…I shouldn’t drink and post comments…ever
tutu says
fat fat fat ugly bitch
Amanda says
Moral Of story you get a man by cheating with him on his wife, What goes around comes around..
forkuu says
hey you are so out of it it. 1) jlo has lost her booty 2)enough is not a funny movie about marriage its about domestic violence 3) there are various male stars who have been married same amount of times
4) how does anyone know who controlls who
this entire article like my response is worthless and of no impact on the worls
dulce says
Do me a favor go and look at your self and then point fingers.
Wilmer "muthafuckin" SANCHEZ-if you have a problem with what i said then come see me! says
okayy first of all to ALLL these hatin’ ass people, you all need to choke on tootepaste and die! Like are you kiddin me… J.lo looks wayyyyy fuckin better then penelope cruz and mariah….like penelope shouldnt even be in the running are you kiddin me! she looks like a dude! and mariahs head is soo far up her own ass how would you ever now what she look like… she might not have a voice like beyonce, But she has brought her own sound to this industry, and dance wise, J.lo kicks ass, Shakira only belly dances and sounds like a frog on stage! Rihanna is okay…ive always like her and beyonce…. but i love when j.lo does sumthing, and it gets ignored but the second beyonce or rihanna or anyone else does the same…its the hottest thing in the world! ….do your homeworkk and dont point fingers…. Cuz j.lo is a 10, and all you ugly bitches are mad cuz ya asses is flat, you have no style, your bodies are lop-sides…like your facesz…so with that being said J.LO IS THE SHYTTT!