Yup, that Hilary Duff’s a hot piece of property at the moment, or at least she would be if we could work out what the point of her was. You know what Hilary Duff would be great in? A creatively-bankrupt revisiting of a TV series that everyone stopped liking about 18 months into its 10-year run almost 20 years ago.
What’s that? There’s a part going spare in the new Beverly Hills 90210 spin-off? Well that’s certainly very fortunate for both Hilary Duff and Beverly Hills 90210. Not so much for us, though – we think Beverly Hills 90210 is going to be shit and that Hilary Duff’s a wanker.
It’s probably easiest to think of Hilary Duff as a kind of proto Miley Cyrus, albeit one who didn’t tit around topless like an underage whore so much. Hilary Duff had the hit TV show, the CDs and the creepy murder-fetish stalker.
Trouble is, though, Hilary Duff is now 20, and in dog years that’s 93. Fortunately Hilary Duff isn’t a dog, so this isn’t relevant. But, unfortunately, one dog year is roughly equal to one washed-up tween hag year, and Hilary Duff is one of those. What’s a girl to do?
Well, Hilary Duff could continue churning out Lizzie McGuire shows and movies until she’s visibly middle-aged and not the least bit convincing (known in the trade as ‘pulling a Sabrina The Teenage Witch), but she won’t do that.
Otherwise Hilary Duff could rely on her newly-official sexiness to open up a few doors, but that tactic’s hampered by the fact that the only people who find Hilary Duff sexy are Austrian men who lock their children in the cellar and have sex with them.
So it’s just as well that the new Beverly Hills 90210 spin-off might have Hilary in its sights. Fox reports:
According to E! sources, Duff’s potential character is called Annie Mills. Annie is a Beverly Hills High student who is into theater acting, just like Shannen Doherty’s character, Brenda, was on the original show. She yearns to fit in with the alternative crowd and leans a lot on her adopted brother, Dixon. Both Duff’s publicist and The CW, which is expected to debut the “Beverly Hills” spin-off this fall, had no comment, according to the New York Daily News.
Why, that sounds delightful. But maybe Hilary Duff really is the thing that the new Beverly Hills 90210 needs – after all, hasn’t she always seemed destined to star in a show that looks dated within six weeks of filming and is only remembered by anyone so that non-Americans have a postcode to use when they want to access US-only stuff on the internet? Plus we shouldn’t forget that a big star like Hilary Duff will bring a huge audience to the show.
An audience of paedophiles, admittedly, but who’s counting?