Here’s an important life lesson for you, boys – if you want to get rich, knock up a politician’s underage daughter.
Just look at Levi Johnston. Ever since he accidentally torpedoed Sarah Palin’s White House ambitions by getting her 17-year-old daughter pregnant, Levi Johnston has been living the jetset life of a true celebrity. A true celebrity who is famous for appearing in one commercial for a brand of pistachio nuts that nobody has ever heard of, based on a pun that doesn’t really work, and nothing else.
Levi Johnston, you’ve really hit the big time now! The video’s after the jump…
In the game of life, one person’s loss is another’s gain. Take Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston, for example. No so long ago it was Palin who had the upper hand over Levi Johnston, drafting him into a lifetime of politicking and plainly batshit stories about the world only being 6,000 years old because he accidentally got her daughter pregnant, and then casting him aside when he was no longer required. But, oh, how the tables have turned.
Because where is Sarah Palin now? She’s no longer governor of Alaska, her dreams of ever reaching high office get more and more distant each day and she’s just written a book that’s probably 65% thinner than she wanted it to be because the publisher decided not to print her crayon drawings of Jesus firing lightning bolts out of his eyes at some moose, Barack Obama and, confusingly, a sign reading ‘BIG GUVVAMUNT’, even though she specifically wanted them to illustrate most of her points.
But where is Levi Johnston now? That’s right – he’s completely outshone his almost-mother-in-law in just about every respect, in that he’s taken his shirt off for a magazine and done an advert for some bar snacks. Has Sarah Palin ever done either of those things? No. No she hasn’t. Game, set and match to Levi Johnston.
All of which is an annoyingly long precursor to Levi Johnston’s new commercial for Wonderful Pistachio Nuts. We don’t say this lightly, but in terms of adverts starring boys who are only famous for knocking up legitimate celebrities, it’s almost as good as that advert where Kevin Federline cooked a burger. Take a look…
Now we don’t know about you, but we saw a trace of a young James Dean in Levi Johnston’s commercial. Yes, we’re certain of it – if James Dean had ignored acting for a life of engaging in unprotected casual sex with the underage daughters of ambitious Alaskan politicians even though a pre-marital pregnancy would violently undermine the politician’s core beliefs, then caught a fleeting glimpse of fame because he did end up getting the politician’s daughter pregnant and was offered a role in a pistachio nut commercial, then Levi Johnston would be a dead ringer for him.
So well done, Levi Johnston. The sky’s the limit. If, obviously, your definition of ‘the sky’ is ‘possibly one more pistachio nut commercial and then a lifetime of bitter anonymity’, that is.
Sunny says
“Now Levi Johnston does it with protection”
Oddly that made me think of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efRGjRMwagA I told you it was odd; absolutely nothing to do with pistachio nuts.
ugh says
Aside from the 15-minutes-of-fame thing (he’s WAAAY over his time limit, btw), it’s coarse, embarassing and not even humorous! When did being stupid enough to have sex w/o protection become enough to make someone a celebrity? If it had been an ad for condoms or contraceptives, it might have had some redeeming value. But pistachios? Lord…
magnetite says
Ha! Ex-president Jimmy Carter can do nuts and protection at the same time. No…hang on…that’s protectionism. Silly me.