The affairs of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are up there with the most boring of celebrity romances. These two non-entities simply exist, and that seems to be more than enough for you dribbling simpletons.
Despite the pair being of no-fixed talent, they remain in currency by virtue of their combined stupidity. Pratt likes to get on planes with a bag full of guns while Montag cries all the time because she doesn’t want a weird face like Michael Jackson or frets over the release of a sex tape she made.
They split up, Pratt apologised and now it seems, that they can’t be bothered getting divorced from each other and in fact, they should probably stay together because on their own, it’s only a matter of time before one of them had an accident in busy traffic brought on by idiotry.
So yeah, Montag has pulled the plug on the divorce.
It seems that the attention-needy pair kissed and made-up over the romantic and tender negotiations of the potential public release of their sex tape. And you all thought that romance was as dead as Fearne Cotton’s eyes!
Heidi told People:
“We are back together trying to make things work… We do love each other and realized we do want to spend the rest of our lives together.”
Imagine that. Imagine what the rest of their lives entails. Blinking at clouds and walking into patio doors at full speed, all the while, filming each other knocking their uglies together and trying to create basic words with their brains which, thus far, have been mere ornaments behind their vacant stares.
Worse still, is that this will all go on in his mother’s house as the pair are so broke that they’ve had to move in with her like a students with their tails between their legs. Yes, we realise that this simile doesn’t really work. Even when taken literally in the form of a magina, it still doesn’t make sense. We goddit.
Anyway, when Pratt was asked if he was skint, he replied:
“Broke? I’ve been wisely investing in a substantial and diverse portfolio of film projects like Tower 69: Beach Patrol and buried pirate treasure. True, I might’ve lost my pirate map, but my broker’s working on that. If you find it make sure you send it back to me. It’s got a curse on it!”
Does this whole thing reek of a publicity stunt to anyone else? Faux-divorce and cod-poverty from a pair of humans who (unfathomably) used to make $165K between them per episode of The Hills.
It’s obvious that most of that money went into Heidi’s plastic transformation and the rest… well… that doesn’t even bear thinking about does it, especially given that Pratt recently admitted to spending $500,000 on energy crystals.
Energy crystals there. Just soak that up and let it roll around your mind for a bit.
Jimbo says
$500,000 for “energy crystals” LOL
translation = “crack rocks”
Cookie Monster says
With the simple act of having read this, and absorbing the underlying stories, I feel as though Heidi and Douchebag have pooped, just a nasty little bit, directly into my skull.
Am I the only one?