Conventional plastic surgery is a lot of rubbish and, frankly, a complete waste of time, only worth it for the doctor who?ll hack you open for a large amount of cash.
There isn't a gigantic neon sign flashing above somebody with a message saying ?compliment this insecure woman; she used to have four nostrils until the surgical team cemented them over.?
Plastic surgery would only be worth getting if something could be done to truly make you stand out from the crowd. Why not attach a desk fan for when we get a week of summer sun or just a glittery horn so we can pretend to be a unicorn? What nobody wants is for their face to become a mess after years of going under the knive. Michael Jackson was the king of this and following in his footsteps is reality star twonk Heidi Montag. Realising she's a mess after ten body modifications, she’s decided that she doesn't want to end up with detachable features like Mr. Potato Head.
This is the first and last time we?ll probably be mentioning Heidi Montag and Michael Jackson in the same sentence. Whilst the horrifying prospect of a Heidi Montag bongo flick is on the cards, we're unsure whether we?d prefer to see Michael Jackson being bad in bed whilst beating some woman with his winky and spreading the love juice. According to his fans, he was full of the sodding stuff, spreading it around whenever he could.
Heidi Montag has gone one step further than Michael Jackson ever did in the surgery stakes, forcing us to pick up our knitting needles so we can sculpt a crown of thorns for her to wear as a victory gift. Did Jackson supersize his breasts to comedy proportions? No, he didn't, but a certain star of a terribly scripted reality show on MTV did. Monsters & Critics report that:
?Montag famously underwent ten plastic surgery procedures in one day but she has now revealed that she is regretting getting her size G-cup breasts and wants her implants removed.?
Speaking to Heat magazine, she went into more detail about the problem of having massively stupid boobs. To be honest, we're surprised she's complaining and hasn't instead gone to NASA and asked for her own moon to rotate round her tits due to their own gravitational pull:
?They are totally too big and it’s impossible to work out ? they get in the way when I try to exercise – I have to wear two sports bras to run! It’s heartbreaking I can’t live an everyday life?.
And the worst thing of all? Bleating on further she said:
?I can’t hug my dogs anymore.?
Perhaps she can shrug off the fact that nobody takes her seriously and that she's been reclassified from ?human? to ?walking talking piece of retarded plastic.? However, she's still found time to show some sort of regret about realtering the looks Mother Nature gave her.
?I don’t want my face to fall off like Michael Jackson’s.?
All we can say, Heidi, is be careful about the doctors you pick. You may go in looking for a bandage for a sprained wrist, but you’ll come out hooked on delicious pain killers and looking like a voodoo doll, just enhancing the needles with syringes.
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stella says
At last, the voice of reason!