You know Heidi Montag don’t you? Sure you do! She’s that woman… y’know? The one who stands in shoes sometimes. The one from The Hills. The one who made an album for some reason. Yeah! That Heidi Montag!
Now she’s cautiously scribbling something in crayon on her CV under the words ‘Brattish Slebritoid”. The words being written down are ‘SEX TAPE’ as apparently, Spencer Pratt, the soon to be ex-husband of the pop-personality, is in the process of selling a knacky vid of the couple going at it like pigs in a sty.
Naturally, it is Vivid Entertainment who are sniffing around and offering up $5 million for the thing, which is roughly $2.5m per inch of Pratt’s erect member.
‘One friend’ of Montag sniffed:
“It’s not just in the height department that Spencer is challenged! When you see what he has been hiding it will make perfect sense to everyone why he talks such a big game. Only a man with a tiny [member] would be such an a*****e.”
Do you think the starred out word is ‘acolyte’?
Anyway, they added:
“All that kid’s insecurities come from the fact that he is a tiny little man. I hope the $5 million will finally make up for what he doesn’t have below but I doubt it.”
Bloody Nora. If he’s as small as they say, then we might have to draw comparisons with someone trying to shag the horizon with a Ladbrokes’ biro.
“It’s all one big joke to Spencer but Heidi isn’t laughing. She is devastated about the thought of a sex tape being released. What hurts her most is that the tape was filmed before she had her plastic surgery. How would you feel seeing yourself on tape not looking your best?”
Sometimes, there are no words.
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