The world of celebrity is not unused to certain members of its population doing odd things.
Take Danny Dyer for instance, suggesting that a woman deciding against a long-term relationship with a man is a legitimate excuse for face-murder. Or Lindsay Lohan, whose crazed mind believed that she would curry favour with a judge by writing swears on her fingernails. Or Alan Bloody Davies, who bloody well once bit the bloody ear off of a bloody tramp.
Maniacs all. But none of them has ever travelled quite so close to the Mountains of Madness as today’s celebrigimp: Spencer Pratt (who used to stick his bookies’ biro penis into Heidi Montag) has been arrested at Costa Rica’s airport while trying to board a plane with guns. Guns he had used during the previous few days to kill some food during a spirit-cleansing exercise.
The colossal dickrod.
Welcome to Monday, hecklerspray people. Yes, it’s probably raining. Yes, it’s undoubtedly depressing. But cheer up: at least you ain’t Spencer Pratt.
As TMZ reported and then confirmed, part-time Stuart Heritage lookalike and full-time cock-dribble Spencer Pratt was arrested over the weekend. His crime? Oh, only that he was trying to board a plane while carrying armfuls of hunting rifles and ammo.
But what the hell was this bearded reality TV show lunatic doing in Central America with a load of guns? Was he bringing freedom from oppression to the locals? Starting up a militia which one day would sweep northwards and take over the USA? Indulging in a tediously self-absorbed “personal journey”?
We just don’t know which it might have been. No, hang on: we know painfully well which it was:
As part of my spiritual cleansing I’ve spent the last week living alone in the jungle, reflecting on my past transgressions, and working to become a better person. I had to live off the land, and hunt to survive.
Oh, Spencer Pratt. There really is no-one better than you at coming up with this relentless bullshit, is there?
You’re like Madonna and her Kabbalah nonsense multiplied by Tom Cruise and his Scientology donkeywank and then raised to the power of Isaac Hayes and his…well, his Scientology donkeywank.
Sadly, the Costa Rican border guards did not tear Spencer Pratt apart, joint by joint. Seems they didn’t even bother to look for more weapons hidden within his large bowel.
Sad.
They did, however, say that he was no longer welcome in their country, so there was something in all this for other nations to learn from. Spencer Pratt bleated:
On an unrelated note, I’m not allowed in the country anymore ? but that’s because of the chicken incident.
As usual, hecklerspray beats all other websites to the good stuff. And so we present real, genuine, actual footage of Spencer Pratt and his Costa Rican “chicken incident”:
Cookie Monster says
I wasn’t a huge fan of the term “douchebag” until The Pratt wormed his way into popular culture. Someone should lobby the good folks over at Oxford to include his name in the definition, if they haven’t already done so themselves.
Mention of the ‘CockSpratt’ incident brought to mind something other than that video. Given his last target of affection, a squawking she-chicken isn’t much of a stretch.