Hecklerspray broke a world record once. It was three years ago when we were going through a phase of carrying a fully functional Defibrillator everywhere we went. When our arms got tired, we'd just drag it.
We did it so that we could administer first aid in a moments notice should we ever be lucky enough to stumble upon somebody who was almost dead. We never did – but we did learn how to cook duck with those things. One of the ducks actually came back to life. It was headless and plucked, but it waddled just the same. That's what our record was for. Nobody had ever previously resuscitated a headless duck. We think it's on page three of that Guinness book.
Geri Halliwell, apparently, is going through that same phase, just a couple of years after us. But instead of zapping people/ducks with thousands of electrical volts, she sings to them back to health. One girl recently emerged from a coma because of it, while no ducks responded at all.
When Geri Halliwell isn't on stage participating in that thick-legged Spice Girls reunion, she really enjoys singing to the comatose. Sure, she also likes to write children's books, give birth to blue-tinted hollow metal instruments and shield her child from abusive golfers, but singing to the comatose is really where her heart lies. Mostly.
She has a fan, you see, a 14-year-old girl who happily owned at least one concert ticket to see the Spice Girls dance and sing and maybe huff off stage. A few days before the show though – and this is seriously horrible (we're not joking here) the young lady was the victim of an attack that left her stabbed 30 times. She didn't die – she had a stroke and went into a coma.
A family member somehow contacted the singer, who was moved by the story and showed up for a visit. The girl's mother explains:
"Geri sang a couple of lines from one of the Spice Girls' songs and Jessica started moving her arms and legs. It was amazing. We were all in fits of giggles because we were so relieved and it was just so funny seeing her legs move to Geri' singing. The next day, she opened her eyes for the first time."
But when those eyes opened – Halliwell was nowhere to be seen. No, with a gift like that one can't stay in a place for too long. There are old ladies with cancer lumps what need singing at, and possibly younger women who need their birth-canals cleared with crazy decibel levels aimed directly in there. Also she has a solo career to think about.
You can't sit all day in a hospital when you've got a solo career to think about.
Read More:
Coma Girl Jessica Knight Woke After Geri Halliwell Sang To Her – Mirror
Phsyt says
….and i thought this was some clever reference to a Smiths song..
mst3kster says
Upon hearing Geri’s voice the girl thought she was dying and heading to Hell. Poor thing, she was probably visioning gigantic, flying gargoyles and a ton of fire.
evilcl0ne says
It was just the bodys natural defence mechanism, you cant run when your in a coma!
Mr Sloane says
A couple of holes in this story- was the girl attacked for the ticket? Did the would be murderer use the ticket to go to the Spice Girls show with the intention of killing Mr or Mrs Spice? Did he succeed? Is the girl a cabbage?
Have I gone too far?