Good old Geri Halliwell: she may not even be remotely famous any more, but that doesn't stop her thinking that she is and following useless celebrity conventions like giving her kid a crap name.
The poor Geri Halliwell baby is only ten days old, but already her future has been mostly set out for her, since Geri has decided to call it Bluebell Madonna. That's Bluebell Madonna after the flower and the singer, and not Bluebell Madonna after the hill in Kent and the skateboarding trick. Probably.
None of the Spice Girls have done very well for themselves lately, have they? Sporty did that godawful song with Bryan Adams and got dropped, Scary did that godawful song with Missy Elliott and got dropped, Baby did a bunch of godawful songs by herself and got dropped and Posh did that godawful song with Dane Bowers and then got married to that girly footballer to make up for getting dropped.
And then there's Geri Halliwell, a woman whose tactic to leave the Spice Girls first and have a Robbie Williams-style breakout solo career backfired when she realised she couldn't sing or act or present or scrub up that well or appear to be even vaguely normal. A woman who gives off the impression of being such an attention-whore that even giving birth to her first daughter seems like a huge, prearranged publicity stunt.
Despite being less than a fortnight old, Geri Halliwell has already sold the baby pictures to Hello! magazine, which sounds like an abuse of the fragile mother/daughter relationship until you realise that Geri Halliwell hasn't actually got a proper job and could probably do with the money. But, for entertainment value alone, we should be thankful for the interview Geri Halliwell gave to Hello! where she decides to disclose the reasons for giving Bluebell Madonna such a dumb name:
"What really clinched it for me was my mother telling me that the
bluebell is increasingly rare – so it's a precious flower, which seems
just right for my daughter… As she came out of my tummy, Bluebell had both arms flung wide in the
air as if announcing to the world, 'Hi! I'm here!'. She was screaming her head off, as though she was shouting, `Hello,
Wembley!' No one else has that name, apart from the Virgin Madonna and
the singer, whom I love."
Hopefully once Bluebell Madonna can talk, she'll reveal if all the shouting was an attempt for a "Hello Wembley!" style announcement of her arrival, or simply an expression of shock and disappointment as she turned around and saw what a babbling git she had for a mother.
[story by Stuart Heritage]