Eminem Getting Married To Kim Again Again, Apparently

Eminem's certainly being a busy chap today. Not so long ago Mariah Carey was spouting off about how obsessed he is with her, and now Eminem has hit back the only way he knows how - he might have just got engaged to his twice-divorced wife Kim.

That's according to Akon, anyway. The chipmunk-voiced R&B star has said that even though Eminem finalised his divorce with Kim literally only 48 days ago, they've got themselves engaged to each other again. If this news is true and Kim really is set to marry Eminem for the third time - only to inevitably become his ex-ex-ex-ex-ex wife by the end of the year - the one of the following must be true: a) Eminem is a bit of a dick b) Eminem is taking the piss or c) Eminem has yet to realise that weddings aren't the only place to enjoy a delicious slice of cake now and again.

Forget what Mariah Carey says - there's only one woman who Eminem is obsessed with, and it's an obsession that makes him keep marrying and divorcing her all the time like a bit of a nobsack. And it isn't hard to see why Eminem is so obsessed with Kim - it's a genuinely beautiful story; Eminem meets Kim. Eminem and Kim have a daughter and get married. Eminem writes a song about graphically murdering Kim and Kim tries to kill herself. Eminem sees Kim possibly kissing another man, Eminem hits man with a gun, Eminem is arrested. Kim divorces Eminem.

And that's where it probably should have stopped. But then in December 2005 Eminem told a radio station that he wanted to remarry Kim, and Eminem and Kim promptly got married in January. And from then on, everyone lived happily ever aft… well, no. Actually it took 82 days of marriage for Eminem and Kim to decide to divorce again. And not a quick divorce either - it involved months of mediation and bitter arguments before the divorce was eventually finalised on December 20, putting to rest one of the most ridiculous celebrity relationships in living mem… well, no. Here's what Eminem's chum Akon told The Mirror:

"Eminem still loves Kim. They have one of those relationships where they are off one minute and back together the next. He can't live with her, and he can't live without her. But they are meant for each other. They are engaged again. Eminem will always love Kim. He is the mother of his child - so that's difficult too. He loves spending time with them."

In summary, then - Eminem was first married to Kim for 14 months, then split up for 65 months, then got married again for 82 days then split up for 48 days… our giant pulsating computer has worked out that on these averages, Eminem's next marriage to Kim is scheduled to last for anything up to 27 full seconds, including all the divorce procedures.

Read more:

The Real Kim Shady - Mirror