Since he was arrested for allegedly knocking Rihanna about, Chris Brown has been keeping fairly schtum.
But that couldn’t last. Chris Brown has finally broken his silence over the incident, by releasing a statement saying that he’s sorry and also that he wants God to make him a better person.
Fortunately, God has nothing better to do at the moment, so he’s all for taking Chris Brown under his omniscient wing. First on God’s agenda: teaching Chris Brown that if you’re upset with a woman, you should probably consider stoning her to death. Simply choking her into unconsciousness is for pussies.
If the hecklerspray comment section is anything to go by, popular opinion over the Chris Brown arrest is split right down the middle, between those who think that Rihanna probably deserved to be attacked because she’s a skanky-ass ho, and those who know how to spell basic words.
But while this speculation unfolded, both Chris Brown and Rihanna have shied away from publicly commenting on the incident – probably a bad move because it’s allowed all kinds of possibly-unfounded rumours to spring up in the vacuum; like the one about the fight being started by a text message, the one about Chris Brown’s history of violence against women and the one about Chris Brown being unable to talk about the alleged attack because he was too busy angrily thumping a frozen beef carcass with Rihanna’s face drawn on it in marker pen that we just made up.
But now Chris Brown has finally decided to break his silence. And the good news is that it seems scarily close to an admission. AP reports:
The 19-year-old R&B singer said much of what has been reported of the incident is untrue, although he did not elaborate. “Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired. I am seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones and I am committed, with God’s help, to emerging a better person,” Brown said in a statement issued through publicist Michael Sitrick.
Thank heavens for that – the wheels have finally kicked into motion. Everyone knows that a halfhearted apology is always the first step when it comes to seeking the public’s forgiveness. Next Chris Brown will have to apologise directly to whoever the battered wife equivalent of Al Sharpton is – probably Tina Turner or Vanilla Ice’s wife or whatever – before going into rehab, even though rehab for being violent to women probably doesn’t exist.
Still, though, we are a little concerned that Chris Brown is asking God to do something as vague as make him a better person. It’s not often that a person gets the ear of a supernatural deity, so he probably should have been a little more specific with his request. Would it have hurt Chris Brown to say “I am committed, with God’s help, to emerging as a person who doesn’t allegedly choke Rihanna into unconsciousness every time I get a bit narky”?
Or, you know, at the very least “I am committed, with God’s help, to emerging as a human being able to grow something other than an embarrassing wad of bumfluff on my top lip.” Because even that would be something of an improvement, frankly.
HT says
That picture. It gets me every time. Bless.
David Schwartz says
What a git!
Joke Police says
I wouldn’t ask for God’s help. Unless you want to launch a tsunami/earthquake/forest fire into Rhianna’s face.
Jayman says
Amazing how when a “star” gets caught being stupid. they want to make amends by talking to God. So not only does he beat women because he a little punk, he also still believes in fairy tales too. So not only is he ignorant, but retarded to boot! His pastor…LMFAO, the dude is probably just as crooked as this little woman beating punk pussy!
feebabyblue says
Okay, my comment is for the nimrod who wrote this article. If you’re going to make fun of what ppl say, then don’t give them the option of voicing their opionions. Secondly, don’t make fun of ppl no spelling correctly especially when your stuff isn’t tight. You made 2 mistakes before I decided to stop reading: 1st sentence, 2nd paragraph, hello genious you forgot the word “do”, and the most obvious, why in the world would you spell apologise? Although, it’s not totally incorrect, the article isn’t exactly a literary work that would be compared to someone like a Toni Morrison. Apologize would have worked just fine. I didn’t finish reading, because you began to degrade your readers, and although I’m 30+ years old and Degreed it’s still insulting.
Tanisha says
Im not defending him or saying what happened was caused for, but give the young man a break no one knows exactly what happened or exactly why. I guess I just fell sorry for him because he’s definitly going to have to pray hard for forgiveness to get his career back on track
feebabyblue says
Jayman Says:
February 16th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
Amazing how when a
feebabyblue says
Still, though, we are a little concerned that Chris Brown is asking God to do something as vague as make him a better person. It
Julian Mentat says
People talk about God a lot but they never say which God.
Lovely says
No ones perfect in this world..not sayin that I agree with the abuse but most of u who r commenting on this article probably have been through that kind of abuse or u are the one who is doing the abusing….Now it wasn’t right if Chris did it or not but I think the MEDIA is making it out of more than what it is and ALL of ya’ll are fallling in the trap AS USUAL…AND I KNOW YA’LL CAN SEE THAT THE MEDIA USED THAT OLD PICTURE SO THEY COULD GET EVEN MORE STUPID COMMENTS OUT OF YA’LL…People need to use their own heads and think sometimes..it is krazi how everyone is blowin it out of proportion…Much Love to both of them.. and IF the situation is bad as everyone is making it seem it’s ONLY up to the TWO OF THEM to make it better……LATA
Jean says
Frankly i think that any comment made directly to Chris or Rhianna about the situation is very inconciderate because noone knows what really happened but those two. It could have been a situation where he was attacked too. Yes, the incident says that he abused her and it was wrong. Noone says abusing women is right, but he is now emotionally bruised because of the situation. All the things that are being said and arent true is probably abusing him. I think Chris is doing a great thing by asking God to be by his side because all things work through God himself. When you need forgiveness, noone could be a better peacemaker than God almighty.
Gilbert Wham says
This story has attracted more retards than Twilight and NKOTB combined. You’re all going on my list, you fuckers. Especially the ‘spell apologise with a Z’ moron.
Theo says
For all of you that want to point fingers and give labels on the two that are going through this situation you all need to sit the hell down somewhere and shut the fuck up!! Since no one that has left a comment or that is reading this article along with the comments was not there when this whole ordeal transpired you have no authority to call anyone names or point fingers. As far as we know hell they could’ve got jumped or robbed and they gave the police a whole different story of what happened…am I wrong am I right who knows…why is that??? Because we weren’t there to fucking see what happened!! Now how about that. So if you wanna continue to listen to all the rumors, lies, and folklore that the media is spreading then by all means go ahead and subject yourself to the dumb stuff. I don’t believe anything until I hear it straight from the source which would be Chris and Rhianna they’re the only ones along with God that know the true story of what happened.
Risa Chung says
First off I would like to say that I thoroughly enjoyed this article. I think you are a delightful writer Mr. Heritage. Secondly, um, I don’t know what planet most of you are from but on this planet, it is NOT o.k. to hit a woman…at all… even if he did not choke her out, he still laid hands on her and that is wrong. He has no excuse. Except if Rihanna had a gun or something but I highly doubt that. It is not between them, it is between Chris Brown and the law, and technically all of us. He is a criminal and a menace to society now. I hope they nail him. Also, who cares if it is hurting his feelings? That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Way to be a moron whoever it was that posted that. He attacked a female. He deserves everything that he gets.
Also, feebabyblue, you are an idiot and an ignoramus. If you are going to get on someone’s case about spelling errors, don’t have spelling errors in the post calling them a nimrod. It just makes you look stupid as hell. No one believes that you have a “Degree” (degree shouldn’t be capitalized by the way). Every 4th grader knows how to use a spell check. Therefore I am forced to believe that you are a graduate of the 3rd grade. Congrats! However I don’t believe they consider that a degree. Except maybe in Alabama. Mr. Heritage’s article was way more interesting and entertaining then your poorly worded and grammatically incorrect attempt at a flame. Some advice, go back and finish elementary school. It is really worth it. People will stop thinking you are a complete moron. Except for me. I think I will always consider you a dumb ass my dear feebabyblue. If I were you I would be so embarrassed that I would remove my foolish and uneducated self from the rest of educated society. Good job on making my day though. I found your lack of intelligence rather amusing.
Vanessa says
If they got jumped, Theo, why would Chris be apologizing? Why would they make a story up to the police that made things look even worse than if they had gotten “jumped or robbed”? If my bf and I had been robbed we sure as hell wouldn’t tell the police that he was beating me for crying out loud.
Anyone who thinks it is okay for a bf/gf to beat up thier gf/bf is and idiot.
Another thing that bothers me is when these people whine about being in the spotlight-you knew it was going to be this way if you became famous enough. Take your millions of dollars and the ability to not worry where your next meal is coming from and go cry me a freaking river.
Vanessa says
^oops…not and, an.
Julian Mentat says
feebabyblue; why in the world would he spell ‘apologise’? Because he’s from a place called ‘England’ where they invented a language called ‘English’. When you invent a language called American, you can dictate the spelling.
p.s. I agree that Chris should ask the Christian God for help with losing his violent tendencies. That particular God’s already done that! He spent the Old Testament smiting people for little things, then he changed and went all non-violent.
But I wonder; when he was repenting, did he pray to someone?
HT says
Damn you, Julian Mentat! I was going to say that. Especially the bit about “apologising”. Isn’t it absolutely fucking annoying when some spelling “correction” software (or feebabyblue) tells you that you’re spelling apologising incorrectly and that it is, in fact, spelt with a z? Because, apparently, American English is the one and only version of the language?
@Lovely, I reiterate a previous comment I made: The media is only reporting this story. It’s weird how the “media” always gets the blame when people don’t like what they’re hearing.
Ruscha says
I am proud of Chris for stepping up and appoligizing for what he did. Ya’ll stop being such asses about it, Atleast he (1 out of 7816454854675445265 men who assaulted a women) stepped up and appoligized.
Ruscha says
“Apoligising” with an S, is used in Europe. “Apoligizing”- with a Z is used in America. So neither is wrong. SO SHUT UP ABOUT IT!
Joke Police says
I’m pretty sure neither ‘apoligising’ nor ‘apoligizing’ are used anywhere except RuschaLand. But thanks for attempting to educate us.
TJ says
There is only one God. He just has many names.
euclid says
Feeblailyblue: Pedigreed, Degreed. Not the same.
Stabby McGee says
What exactly is he supposed to have done, now? Last I heard, he tried to pull Rihanna back into their car, which is technically assault. But did he actually hit her? Choke her? Do any of the bullshit things a lot of people are claiming?
Obviously I need to get my facts straight, but so do the vast majority of people commenting on the subject, on here and otherwise.
It’s like the nonsense over Christian Bale. From what I understand, he verbally assaulted his mother, and that translates into him subjecting her to a UFC-style ground and pound?
Most people are such fucking idiots. THINK FOR ONE SECOND! ARE YOU PROFESSIONAL ENOUGH?!
Sarah says
There’s no way feebabyblue is real. No one in their
Ah fuck it, I give up.