If you were Chris Brown’s publicist, your advice to him would be pretty simple at the moment, wouldn’t it?
You’d tell him to shut up, wouldn’t you? You’d tell Chris Brown to shut up and – if he absolutely had to speak in public – to only express his profound remorse for what he did to Rihanna. What’s more, you’d spell it out to Chris Brown that under no circumstances should he use a national magazine interview as an excuse to lay into Oprah Winfrey for suggesting that he wasn’t very nice.
Because, yes, he did that. Chris Brown’s publicist must be rubbish.
Chris Brown has been right about so many things throughout his life. He was right when he decided that the music industry sorely needed a massive-toothed R&B singer who danced like a weeble with polio being pushed down a flight of stairs. He was right when he decided that ridiculous powder-blue bowties were due to make a sartorial comeback. And so he’s almost definitely right in believing that the world has got it in for him.
True, he may have been the one who repeatedly punched Rihanna in the head, bit her on the ear, tried to choke her unconscious and threatened to kill her during an argument about a text message – but you know who the real villains are here? That’s right, the evil media. Chris Brown has already gone on record to say that all blogs are liars, but that was too easy – anyone can mock a bunch of chubby loners who spend all day sitting at their laptops in their pants talking to their cats. No, to prove his point, Chris Brown has gone after the biggest kahuna of them all – Oprah Winfrey.
You see, Chris Brown and Oprah Winfrey go way back. For example, Chris Brown used to travel to Africa to perform at her school – which, in retrospect, could have been where they got the idea to abuse all the girls from – but that all changed right after Chris Brown was arrested for attacking Rihanna. For some reason that’s totally unclear to us, Oprah Winfrey decided to side with Rihanna and not Chris Brown in the matter. In fact, to make it worse, Oprah said that Rihanna should leave Chris Brown in case he attacked her again. The nerve of the woman!
And Chris Brown is just as offended by this as we are, which is why he used a big interview with People magazine to give Oprah Winfrey a jolly good telling off. Chris said:
“I commend Oprah on being like, ‘This is a problem,’ but it was a slap in my face. I did a lot of stuff for her, like going to Africa and performing for her school. She could have been more helpful, like, ‘OK, I’m going to help both of these people out.'”
A slap in the face? Why, that’s literally the worst thing that anybody can give to you. You, know, after several frenzied punches and bites in your face. But we’re sure Chris Brown already knew that.
It was an unfortunately-timed remark, too, coming just days after Chris Brown claimed that he couldn’t remember beating up Rihanna. Not only does Chris Brown look far less remorseful than he probably is as a result but, at this delicate stage of his career, making an enemy out of someone as powerful as Oprah Winfrey is an incredibly stupid thing to do. Oprah Winfrey could crush Chris Brown any time she wanted.
Seriously, she could literally crush him. Have you seen the size of her lately?
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TheFact says
Obviously, the media is leaving out R…. Whatz her name is a very violent woman. sooner or later, it will resurface. Chris… dude you messed up. live with it. get better… and, most importantly, stay away from Whatz her name.
miriam says
Good article until you had to make that dig at Oprah’s size. You are just allowing and indulging in another kind of abuse against women. Although you do seem to have an issue with people of size, no matter what color – i.e. chubby bloggers. Verbal abuse is as bad as physical abuse, wrse in some ways because you can say – “hey, I was just joking; you are being overly sensitive; can’t you take a joke.” At least a punch in the face is punishable and an obvious crime against a person. Keep up the good writing, cut out the insidious belittling of others…of which you my resemble for all we know.
Rod says
Why can’t this talentless hack just go away? Chris, not Oprah I mean.
Tito says
Really quite a ridiculous article considering what Brown actually said. The whole first part you just wonder, what the heck did he say?? And then you see how lame it actually was, and realize how Stuart Heritage needs to go find a story, instead of making one…up.
shooty* says
Beleeeey dat.
shooty* says
WTF is it with the trolls and their “…”‘s today?
JoeMomma says
more retarted fans…
it’s the flouride I tell you!
evelyn says
I love you chris brown AND I THINK YOU ARE RIGHT OPRAH JUST MAKES MONEY ON PEOPLE’S PAIN AND SUFFERING I HATE WHEN POWERFUL PEOPLE JUST WANT TO ELIMINATE OTHER YOUNG PEOPLE, SHE DOESN’T HAVE A BOYFRIEND AND DOESN’T HAVE A CHILD SHE ONLY KNOW HOW TAKE PEOPLE AND LAUGH AT THEM. DON’T WORRY YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE SHE BETRAYED SHE DID IT TO TOM CRUISE SHE INVITED HIM TO HER SHOW AND AFTER LAUGH AT HIM THAT’ THE WAY SHE DOES THING BUT STAY STRONG AND JUST LEAVE IT PEOPLE WON’T LET YOU LIVE IN PEACE WITH THAT BUT PEOPLE DO FORGET ABOUT THINGS…
care says
Hey evelyn
Your dumb and I hope you read this, your opener,I love chris brown proves it, obviously your one of those girls who only looks at the outside a handsome guy with money, and not that fact that he’s an abuser, I’m sure you blame the victim rihanna right?she must have done something.as far as oprah I don’t think her billion dollar empire is solely from keeping young people down.