We’re sad to report that Chris Brown will no longer be taking part in the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards.
Alright, more relieved than sad. If Chris Brown can allegedly punch Rihanna because she threw some car keys out a window, then God knows what’d happen if Justin Timberlake squirted him in the face with slime. We imagine it’d involve a hacksaw, a rolled-up carpet and a shallow grave.
Oddly, Chris Brown withdrew his own Kids’ Choice nominations – either due to shame or to tactically strengthen his position ahead of this year’s Punchies, the alleged domestic abusers’ Oscars. We don’t know.
Given that he’s currently facing a lengthy jail sentence on account of him allegedly smashing up Rihanna’s face during an argument last month, it’s absolutely wise for Chris Brown to keep the lowest possible profile. It’s all about damage limitation right now, and his advisers must have told him to do nothing, because anything he does for the next couple of months will weaken the strength of his remorse in the eyes of the public.
Unless it involves Chris Brown getting back together with Rihanna, of course, because who can stand in the way of love? Or if it involves Chris Brown and Rihanna recording a duet together because, um, both of them have to eat or something. Or if it involves Chris Brown dicking around on jetskis while grinning like a maniac because… oh, look, forget it.
But even though Chris Brown is doing an unquestionably shoddy job of keeping a low profile, he has at least decided to withdraw his nominations in the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards. The Washington Post reports:
Nick did not remove Brown from the running for the March 28 live telecast. Brown did, the cable network says. “We are confirming that Chris Brown has decided to withdraw his nominations from the Kids’ Choice Awards,” Nickelodeon said in a statement. The network, however, which programs for kids ages 2 to 14, committed itself to saying: “We agree with and respect his decision.”
Chris Brown hasn’t given any explanation for his withdrawal and, unless he’s busy engraving one onto the side of a dead cow with his fists, we probably shouldn’t expect one. So instead let’s just speculate wildly.
Clearly it makes the most sense to assume that Chris Brown pulled out of the Kids’ Choice Awards because it would have been wildly inappropriate for him to attend, given that it’s mainly a two-hour showcase for Jack Black‘s latest funny dance. Seeing Chris Brown take the stage at the awards would be a bit like having your favourite episode of Teletubbies arbitrarily broken up with footage from the final scene of Scarface.
But, whatever the reason, we’ll profess to being a little sad that Chris Brown won’t attend the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards. Just because The Jonas Brothers are also bound to be there and, well, a boy can dream, can’t he?
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