The momentum of this Carrie Prejean sex tape scandal is breathtaking – it’s just like a Hollywood movie.
Alright, maybe not a Hollywood movie. A movie from somewhere that makes crap porn. But a movie nonetheless. It seems as if every day the stakes in the Carrie Prejean sex tape saga get raised just that little bit higher. Now it’s emerged that Carrie Prejean didn’t simply make one sex tape – she made eight, and took around 30 naughty photos of herself, too.
It just keeps getting better and better, doesn’t it? Maybe tomorrow we’ll hear that Carrie Prejean isn’t an unremittingly dreadful person after all, allowing someone somewhere to get marginally aroused by any of this.
As far as Carrie Prejean is concerned, all bets are now off. Originally we just thought that Carrie Prejean was just a God-fearing beauty queen with skin the colour of manky carrot pulp and a confusing sideline in belittling homosexuals. But then it turned out that she’d made a sex tape.
But then it turned out that the Carrie Prejean sex tape was literally just footage of Carrie being unspeakable all by herself. But then it turned out that she was a teenager when she made it. But then it turned out that actually she was probably 20. And now it’s turned out that Carrie Prejean more or less can’t stop recording footage of herself thwapping away at her groin like she’s trying to put it out while she simultaneously makes coldly disinterested vowel sounds with her mouth. She’s made hundreds of these tapes. Well maybe not hundreds. Eight. Carrie Prejean has made eight sex tapes. RadarOnline reports:
[Carrie] called the sex tape the biggest mistake of her life. Now a RadarOnline.com investigation has uncovered that there are SEVEN more ?biggest mistakes? of her life ? all of them solo performances. And there are 30 photos of Carrie, most topless, some showing everything, and most taken by Carrie using her reflection in a mirror… Carrie can be heard moaning on a few of the tapes.
Where is this going to end? Sure, it’s only eight sex tapes and 30 photos today, but tomorrow? We’ve heard rumours that Carrie Prejean has actually made over ten million sex tapes and taken more than four hundred trillion racy photographs of herself. And that around 15% of the videos feature Carrie trying to push a mop handle up the rectum of a startled monkey in a fez. And that a disproportionate number of the photographs show Carrie stark naked and standing at the top of a stepladder, manfully trying to masturbate a cloud to full ejaculation.
It can only be a matter of time before these Carrie Prejean sex tapes see the light of day now, especially since Vivid Entertainment – the company behind the Kim Kardashian sex tape, among others – seems convinced that Carrie will make millions of dollars if she allows it to distribute the tapes.
At the moment, Prejean’s response is said to be “no, at any price” but we can’t see what the fuss is all about. People will end up watching the tapes anyway, so she may as well profit from them. And it’s not like selling homemade diddle tapes of herself is going to stop Carrie Prejean from going to heaven, is it? Because painting herself orange and behaving like a massive arsehole at every possible opportunity will have done that ages ago.
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Shero says
This was fricking hilarious. Keep it up
HR HEATH says
HET STUEY,GET OFF YOUR LITTLE GAY HIGH HORSE. CARRIE DID NOT, I REPEAT. DID NOT BELITTLE GAYS. SHE DID WHAT ANY AMERICAN IS SUPPOSED TO BE ALLOWED TO DO. ALL SHE SAID WAS WHAT SHE BELIEVES. ALONG WITH “no offense to anyone”.
zeke49 says
Just another CONSERVATIVE, REPUBLICAN, HYPOCRITE. What is wrong with these people. The ” PARTY OF NO, BIRTHERS, TEA BAGGERS, all in the same “fruit Basket”, Stuck on stupid and loving it!!! They only bring shame to this great country.
Kate says
To be fair to Miss Prejean – and it’s a dirty job, but somebody has to do it – she didn’t “belittle” homosexuals in her answer at the pageant. She gave her opinion, which is her right. It’s what she did after that got her into the mess she’s in.
The girl is obviously a fame-junkie so, when the right wing groups offered her the spotlight to preach about “family values” and virtue, she grabbed it up. She would have done well to consider those skeletons in the closet, but the promise of fame blinds young people. So, she’s taking the fast track from wannabe to celebrity to punch line.
I think it says more about the Conservative movement that they’re willing to grab at anyone with the least bit of light on them who parrots the company line. Their ranks are filled with underqualified hypocrites and liars.
Thom h says
Oh, holy engorgement. Since sex with yourself by definition is same-sex sex, hasn’t Prejean made herself into a homosexual?
shooty* says
Jesus, you Americans just do. Not. Get. It. Do you?
Perez Hilton said she is wrong and bad.
Therefore everyone must hate her, or be branded an un-PC pariah.
Big props to you, HR Heath. That’s one of the least coherent rants I’ve seen in ages. Nice one.
curtrock says
yes…’people like this’ do bring shame due to the utter stupidity and vacuousness …but once Carrie starts doing porn all we’ll have to do is watch …we should all be encouraging her to continue her ambitious run for fame …c’mon, she’s gotten this far…can you picture it? Yeah, I bet you can…
zenzoogle says
wow – do you really think Donald trump said that to her or was it taken out of context.. I bet she would do great in a movie with like brad pitt a nice make out scene would be cool