As far as women who like pube-haired boys who dance like girls go, Justin Timberlake sure is a catch, and there are probably dozens of lonely women who want to spike his drink with Rohypnol and rush him up the aisle while he's still woozy.
Unfortunately for those women, Justin Timberlake is already taken. And the woman who has taken him is Cameron Diaz – and Cameron never ever ever wants to get married to Justin Timberlake, not at all, no way, not if he was the last man on Earth. Cameron Diaz is serious – she's even been on TV to explain just how little she wants to marry Justin Timberlake. At least, you know, until she has it in writing that Justin's going to stop wearing those rubbish waistcoats and singing like he's been smacked in the balls with a cricket bat, but that's as good as never.
In theory Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz should be one of the most high-profile couples in the world. Cameron Diaz has been in all kinds of woefully popular romantic comedies during her career and Justin Timberlake is one of the world's best-selling recording artists. They should be out doing what other couples do, like angering Indians or pulling dried-up turd-husks out of each other's arses. But no – Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz are happy to potter about as they are, only occasionally pausing to publicly not split up or almost get murdered by a photographer in a car. Surely, after four years of hardly any excitement, aren't Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz ready to get married.
Not a chance. Not even the news that Britney Spears keeps calling Justin Timberlake up in tears is enough to convince Cameron Diaz to marry him, and she's taking this vow public. On the Ellen DeGeneres show, the future Oscar host turned an interview with Cameron Diaz – ostensibly on the show to promote her godawful looking The Holiday movie – into a Abu Ghraib-style interrogation about why Cameron Diaz won't marry Justin Timberlake. We're sure you're thrilled by all this, so here's what Cameron said:
"You know the answer to that, Ellen. I'm a commitment-phobe. Don't want to do it… Well, we're kind of like married, isn't it?"
Ignoring the fact that Cameron Diaz seemed to turn into a ruddy-faced cider-grizzled farmer from Somerset towards the end of the quote, we're still no closer to discovering why Cameron Diaz doesn't want to get married to Justin Timberlake. Apart from Justin's creepy clothes-designing sideline, of course – that'd be enough to put anyone off.
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