Now we know you are all probably gonna judge us, but keep in mind that Miley Cyrus is really, really mature for her age.
Her and us could probably talk for hours about the things we have in common – ownership of a bicycle, for instance. Yes, that’s it. We could talk about the ownership of bicycles. Well wherever our fantastic conversation is gonna lead us – it’s gonna lead us there soon. After all, we will do whatever it takes to ensure our eBay bid for a date with her is the one that reins supreme.
It better anyway. We just bought a new button-down shirt at Wal-Mart, and we’re having our favorite pants professionally pressed. We’d be embarrassed to have gone all out like that for nothing.
Miley Cyrus may only be thirteen or something, but she’s an old soul. Her life experience is such that, at least mentally, she’s every bit as forty-seven as we are. This should really help us relate to her while she’s sitting across the McDonalds table from us on the date she agreed to go on so long as we pay her thousands of dollars.
To be clear she hasn’t agreed to any dates yet – but if our bid slips onto eBay uncontested just before the auction closes she sure will. We’re also emailing her a picture of our eyes. Girls really seem to dig our eyes, and we feel it could help our effort.
And yes – we said you can win a date with Cyrus if you successfully buy her on eBay. It sounds a bit like human trafficking or something, which several border-authorities have expressly told us is quite illegal. Be careful – that’s all we’re saying.
All Headline News says of the auction:
“The Disney teen star is auctioning off a date on eBay, with the highest bidder being able to attend the premiere of Cyrus’s Disney animated film “Bolt,” which opens November 26. The highest bid for the night-on-the-town with the Hannah Montana star, 15, currently stands around $2,000. The auction kicked off Tuesday night and ends July 29. The auction is benefiting the Cyrus family’s charity, Pappy Cyrus Family Foundation, named for Miley’s grandfather, which supports underprivileged children.”
Wait – don’t get too excited. The whole thing sounds a lot less date-like when you read about it on the actual eBay site:
“Starting at 7 PM PST July 22 through July 29, you can bid on a once in a lifetime chance to meet Miley Cyrus at the premiere of her new Disney film Bolt, plus take home her personal wardrobe, signed albums and photos, and a few of her favorite things.”
It looks like in the end, nobody new will actually be able to claim any sort of ownership over Cyrus. That’s a shame – because after a few years her resale value would have been through the roof. You know – after she’s had plenty of time to revamp Sex & The City, clarify the definition of what exactly is considered a curse word in the English language, and all her questionable internet pics have aged enough to become bonafide collectables.
After all that you could probably get triple what you paid for her.
Daniel says
Dear god… if you’re going to publish new at least use proper grammar…
She and we could talk for hours….
Rob Delaney says
Meh, seems to have been taken off ebay. Or the link doesn’t work.
Coming soon: “Cop a feel of Sienna Miller’s Tits! Starting bid 50p! No reserve! L00K!”