As you may know, there’s a Britney Spears sex tape – we’d have mentioned it earlier but, you know, we’ve just eaten and we like not being blind.
Don’t get too excited, though – the existence of the Britney Spears sex tape was allegedly confirmed by Adnan Ghalib, Britney’s paparazzo ex-boyfriend. So, on the basis that at least 50% of the tape features a creepy dimwit with a funny accent and the world’s worst beard, it’s safe to say that nobody will ever ever form an erection while watching the Britney Spears sex tape.
Or will they? It’s been reported that Britney Spears is keen to pay whatever it takes to buy the master copy of this apparent Britney Spears sex tape from Adnan Ghalib. And you know what that means? It means that if Britney Spears is prepared to pay millions of dollars for a video of a mentally ill woman in a pink wig having squalid intercourse with one of the world’s least likable men, it must be sexy! Where can we get a copy?
Sometimes we’re desperately envious of Britney Spears, you know. We’ve spent so long wishing that our harrowing mental breakdown could be punctuated by a married man who’s effectively paid to stalk us coming to sweep us off our feet so we an embark on a high-flying romance that involves him taking naked pictures of us, trying to sell those naked pictures to the highest bidder, running off to the entertainment news shows to sell his story minutes after splitting up with us and generally bringing about the darkest period of our entire lives.
And, for a brief moment, that’s what Britney Spears had with Adnan Ghalib. Sure, he might have been married and hopelessly exploitative and in possession of a beard that made his neck look like a minge, but right up until the moment when she apparently took out a restraining order on him, Adnan loved Britney Spears.
He loved her enough to allegedly film himself having it off with her so that he could sell the tape for millions of dollars. And that’s the greatest love of all.
You see, Adnan Ghalib is apparently pimping about a Britney Spears sex tape. No, not the one that Britney allegedly made with Kevin Federline, or the one that some guy took on holiday where you couldn’t tell that it was Britney Spears he was having sex with but it definitely was, honest.
This is the infamous Pink Wig Britney Spears sex tape. The one claimed to be made during that time where Britney spent her days wandering around babbling to herself in a British accent. The one that, sadly, Adnan Ghalib co-stars in.
And now that Adnan Ghalib seems to have confirmed the existence of the Britney Spears sex tape, he’s apparently going to sell it. Funnily enough, he’s going to sell it to Britney Spears. The Sun reports:
Earlier this week, [Adnan] admitted: “There is such a tape, but I won’t discuss prices for hypothetical enquiries. Unless there is a locked-in deal, I will go no further.” It is thought a pornography website is prepared to offer the photographer up to £5million for the footage. But Britney is willing to pay whatever it takes of her own money to keep the tape off the market.
It’s a shame that Britney Spears is effectively being held to ransom over the sex tape, but buying it from Adnan Ghalib is definitely the best way forward here. Not only will it stop the tape from destroying Britney’s painstakingly choreographed comeback, but also it’s a bit of a nestegg should things go financially tits up for her in the future.
And, let’s be honest, nobody wants to see that particular Britney Spears sex tape anyway. If we wanted to get our kicks from watching videos about a depressed scrawny girl with obvious psychiatric issues having grubby meaningless sex with a creepy man she clearly doesn’t even like while possibly under the influence of all kinds of prescription medication, we’d just look at your parent’s honeymoon tape.
Eugene says
Maybe she’s planning to make a video out of it?
sara says
Or maybe she hasn’t yet realised it’s actually her in that video. She is a quick one, you know.