Back when Britney Spears was a crazy person, and not the well-adjusted pillar of society she is today, she did a lot of regrettable things.
And what was the most regrettable thing that Britney Spears did during her barmy lost weekend? No, not proving herself to be an untrustworthy mother or consistently becoming more and more of a global embarrassment with every single passing second – we’re talking about the time that Britney Spears sort of gently drove into a car in a car park. It was, quite frankly, outrageous.
We know this because people still aren’t shutting up about it – Britney’s lawyer is still trying to appeal against a criminal trial for the hit and run scheduled for next month. Experts have responded to the move by Michael Flanagan with shock. Slowly punching yourself in the face again and again while murmuring “Make it stop” does still count as shock, right?
As we will never tire of telling you, Britney Spears is back. Back back back. Britney Spears is back with awards, Britney Spears is back with a new album and Britney Spears is back with an exploitative book about Britney Spears written by her mother. That’s literally as back as you can get.
But it’s a tentative comeback. Over the last few months, Britney Spears and her family have worked as hard as they can with only one goal in mind – to get straight Britney back on the treadmill that almost destroyed her a few months ago. And, given all her recent psychiatric episodes, the smallest bump could demolish Britney’s painstakingly-constructed house of cards.
A bump like, ooh, a reminder of a crime she committed in her darkest days, for example? Say, the minor hit and run incident that Britney Spears got into over a year ago?
Some of you may remember that in the middle of all the fuss made about Britney Spears and the shaved head and the custody battles and the accusations of child abuse and the vomiting and the collapsing and the vaginas, Britney Spears knocked into the side of a car in a car park and walked away from the scene. Well, that’s what people are still banging on about.
There’s a chance that Britney Spears might have to face a criminal trial for the hit and run next month, but not if her attorney Michael Flanagan has anything to do with it. That’s because Michael Flanagan is claiming that Britney Spears isn’t back at all. In fact, he says she’s as mental as ever! E! Online reports:
He filed documents today in Los Angeles County Superior Court requesting a stay in the proceedings because she is remains under the control of a conservatorship. “The Probate Court has found that [Spears] lacks the capacity to retain counsel,” Flanagan writes, “as a result, [Spears] is currently unable to participate meaningfully in this matter.”
What? Surely not. Is Michael Flanagan really suggesting that robotically saying the word ‘womanizer’ 41 times in the space of three minutes doesn’t automatically give you the capacity to retain counsel any more? Gosh. Everything we thought we knew about the legal system is wrong.
Anyway, you can see why everyone is so anxious about getting this trial halted – if she’s forced to attend, the pressure could set her recovery back unbelievably. And nobody wants that – after all, crushing up Britney’s anti-psychotic medication and hiding it in her food is just so bloody time-consuming, isn’t it.