Oh goodness, no. Haven't you people learnt that this Britney Spears malarkey is going to go on forever yet? Forever. Mark these weary words.
Anyway, the new piece of Britney Spears nonsense is that Britney's mother Lynne Spears claims that Britney's manager Sam Lutfi used to grind up drugs and mash them into Britney Spears' food. Plus he hid her dog once, the big bloody bastard.
It looks like we'll just have to face it – even though Britney Spears is going to spend the next week and a half secluded to the point of being strapped to her bed in a padded room, it's not going to stop people from hitting us over the head with stories about her again and again until she's released and can go back to sobbing on pavements in front of photographers where she belongs.
But despite all this, occasionally the odd interesting Britney Spears story leaks out. No, we're not talking about Britney's Dad getting legal conservatorship of her estate – that's literally about as boring as things can get – we're talking about Britney's manager Sam Lutfi grinding up drugs and sprinkling them all over Britney Spears' food.
That's what Britney Spears' mother Lynne Spears claimed in a restraining order she's taking out against Lutfi, anyway. The Los Angeles Times reports:
Britney Spears' friend and manager exerted near-total control over the singer, cutting her phone lines, taking away her cellphone chargers, disabling her vehicles and grinding up pills to place in her food, Spears' mother alleges in a restraining order she sought against the man. Sam Lutfi also allowed paparazzi to parade through the singer's kitchen and hid Spears' dog from her, Lynne Spears alleges. Lynne Spears said Lutfi told her, "You'd better learn that I control everything."
Sounds shocking, we know – especially when you remember that Sam Lutfi once allegedly advised a friend on the best way to commit suicide – but let's be sensible for a moment. There's a chance that Lutfi was acting out of desperation, because the drugs he was apparently grinding up were Britney's anti-psychotic pills rather than, say, fist-sized balls of heroin doused in sizzurp.
Having said that, Sam Lutfi is also accused of hiding Britney Spears' dog, and that's a crime worse than murder. If you hide Britney's dog you leave her with nothing to clutch when she has a disturbing sobbing roadside meltdown in front of the world's media. Leave her arms free during these episodes and Britney will try to gouge her eyes out or jab forks into plug sockets or pick her bum and smell it. Sam Lutfi should know better than that.
But at least Lynne Spears' restraining order was successful – Sam Lutfi can't go within 250 yards of Britney Spears any more. And he was undoubtedly the cause of Britney's downward spiral – it certainly didn't have anything to do with Lynne Spears herself. She's a great mother. She even wrote a book about what a great mother she is.
Seriously, ask anyone and they'll tell you what a good mother Lynne Spears is. Not her daughters, though – one's locked up in a nuthouse and the other one's too busy being a pregnant schoolgirl to reply. But anyone else.