Dr Phil never says so on his show, but the best way to solve a problem is to sweep it under the carpet and pretend it never existed.
Everyone knows that – it's the reason why all the hecklerspray staff are such well-rounded, perfectly normal individuals. It's also the reason why the family of Britney Spears have all got the hump with Dr Phil for speaking out publicly about Britney's recent psychological snafu. Dr Phil, they say, have broken the Spears' circle of trust.
And circles of trust are a lot like hymens – once broken they can only be repaired by complicated, expensive and largely unnecessary surgical procedures. We think.
Dr Phil lives to help people. OK, that's not strictly true – we get the impression that Dr Phil actually lives to shout worn-out old self-helpish catchphrases at emotionally-crosseyed rednecks who just want to be on TV – but helping people is sometimes a by-product of that. On Dr Phil's show today, for instance, he'll be helping five dumpy housewives to dress like sluts.
So it goes without saying that Britney Spears would have to be the world's most cloth-eared nobsack to not want to listen to the advice of the almighty Dr Phil. Which is funny, because she doesn't. She really doesn't.
This might come as a surprise to some of you, but Britney Spears was recently in hospital getting her brain looked at following a custody stand-off with police and Kevin Federline which may have involved some sort of drug or weapon and almost certainly involved all kinds of fairly annoying attention-seeking shrieking.
On hearing about this, Dr Phil rode the fireman's pole down to his Advicecave, hopped into his Advicemobile and shot off to the hospital to scatter his life-changing advice seeds over Britney Spears' heart. After leaving hospital with Britney, Dr Phil vowed to help her by devoting an entire episode of his show to Britney Spears, not because he wanted to get bigger ratings by chasing a sensationalist headline while it was still warm, you understand, but because he wanted to help.
And, as you know, this incensed Britney Spears' family so much that they forced Dr Phil to cancel the episode. And quite right too – the Spears family have obviously done such a sterling job of raising Britney Spears and her pregnant 16-year-old sister so far that the last thing they need is an outsider sticking their oar in with their high-falluting 'ideas' and 'qualifications'.
And now they've revealed why they're all so furious at Dr Phil. According to family spokesman Lou Taylor, Dr Phil only took an interest in Britney Spears to serve his own purposes:
"What's wrong with Dr. Phil's statement is that he made a statement. The family, basically, extended an invitation of trust for him to come in as a resource to support them, not to go out and make public statements. He was not invited to make this part of a public display or part of the media."
Yes, how dare Dr Phil – a man who Britney Spears' family contacted because they saw him on TV – discuss Britney Spears on TV. It's appalling, although maybe the family should think about looking through the Yellow Pages for help next time rather than calling up the first person they happen to gawp at dancing around in the flickering box in their living room.
We're speaking from experience here – when our dishwasher broke we called Tim Allen after seeing him on an episode of Home Improvement. We won't be doing that again. Not because he hilariously destroyed our dishwasher, you see. It's because he's a dick.
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AZMac says
Whatever happened to patient client confidentiality? I guess Dr. Phil isn’t bound by this.
gir says
Yes, whatever did happen to patient-client confidentiality? I for one would appreciate Britney Spears not talking about herself to anyone with press credentials at every opportunity.
Tom and Co says
GODDAMNED DR PHIL!
iFreud says
patient-client confidentiality: Her doc and others in that employ cannot discuss her case. Anyone else can openly speculate.
Ever lived with a mania sufferer? They often become abusive to those closest to them; run if anyone tries to get between them and their feel-great mania (brain chemistry disorder); usually end up desperately depressed or in psychosis. It’s a hardship for everyone around her and she will pay an awful personal price. She needs real help but in the USA, she’s not likely to get it anytime soon. Of course, I’m just openly speculating. But from much experience.
euclid says
Maybe they should call Will Smith and he could bring them
Pamela Anderson’s shark-baby to scare BS into submission.
Kind of like the “scared straight’ rehabilitation program, but with
an android Scientologist shark baby.
cowboy says
some one needs to step in, why did her mom spank her butt years ago in stead of spoling her
Suzie says
I call up Dr. Dreamy or Dr. Steamy when I need my lady bits examined.
Patrick says
First of all, how could Spears family choose to invite Dr. Phil. There are tons of licensed psychologists in US and they got enough money to get proper treatment. Dr. Phil never been a licensed psychologist or any kind of patient-doctor relationship with anyone. He is just another entertainer. Spears family should be intelligent enough to know there will not be a big help from Dr. Phil. If they knew it, what was the intention for inviting him. It does not make any sense to me. Of course, Dr. Phil did cross the line by making public statements and etc. Both parties are plain stupid.
Doug says
Great story. Well written. Funny. Yet, sad. Most people suffer their mental illness in anonyminity. Aren’t they lucky.
Art Deco says
Who the hell gives a double dousing what Britney does!!! Get her out of the news and keep her out. She SICK! Give her a chance to get well. Tell Dr Phil to put his head where the sun doesn’t shine and keep it there. This incident is a stain on the American scene.
Love and kisses,
Artie
Al Fresco says
Congrats to Art Deco. He’s right on with passed gas to spare. Keep pushing the hot button, Art. I’m with you all the way.
guy horelle says
looks like herr doctor is also out of control…should of check himself in the next bed…
Dave & Marc says
Dr. Phil who ?????????
I never watched this self promoting idiot show
guy horelle says
moderation is a good word ..should be put in practice more often
JP Schwartz says
What does it mean to be Narked off? If Britney’s family has “got the hump for Dr. Phil, doesn’t that mean they are attracted to him? Your predicate adverbs for lack of better terms, don’t make any sense. What are you trying to say in plain English, or did you fail your grammar classes in school, Stuart? Your writing is embarrassing to say the least.
Stephanie says
Great writing, Stuart!
I wonder if Dr. Phil was paid for his time by the Spears family. And was all the proper paperwork filled out before he left in his Advicemobile….if not…you know…no such thing really as a patient nor a doctor; just a man visiting a broken kid.
Shar says
What’s funny about the last sentence in this is that Tim Allen’s real name is Tim Dick. Allen is Tim’s middle name. I think it’s obvious why he dropped the “Dick” when starting standup. :)
lesljean says
Why, in the name of that is exploited, is everyone so irritated at Dr. Phil? …and why has sensationalistic tv become reality…and WHY hasn’t Brit been put somewhere there is actual…real…tangible…assistance for this messed up young woman? Not to mention the possibilities of the next sibling’s messed up baby-drama….and then the topper…mama lynne is publishing a book on parenting….puh….lease. Ya all get a grip on some kind of reality!
Onyx says
Patient confidentiality? Phil is not a doctor, he just plays one on TV.
I'll take two sides of Brit with that says
Patient client confientiality does not apply when you are not a doctor and only play one on TV
Dr John says
Patient Client Confidentiality does not apply when the doctor only plays one on TV or if the doctor slept at a Holiday Inn last night
JohnD says
The Spears family needs to be reminded, on a constant basis, that they are now an officially publicly traded laughing stock, embarassment, and icon of the worst possible disfunction.
What did they expect when contacting a Television Doctor?
And why are they surprised that their disgraced daughter(s) is mentioned in the public media when that is ALL that permeats the news/papers/television?
If you truly wanted to help your daughter you would first have her committed for true help, including drug and alcohol rehabilitation, you would seek therapy immediately for her, her sister, and your entire family, and you would admit once and for all that you made lots of mistakes.
Instead,…you called Dr. Phil then were suprised when he mentioned it to the press.
Dr Phil* says
Now, just because an old *** can't rub a genie's bottle and a likon with a thorn in its paw can't run the race as fast as the turtle don't mean that a stub of a cigarrette can't revolve around a holograph, now you heah?
That dog just won't hunt.
YoMama says
The Spears family was so incensed at Dr. Phil’s obvious grab for headlines which could be detrimental to their daughter’s mental health, that they went on TMZ and other shows to discuss it?
It’s a sad day when Kevin Federline appears to be the stable one in the bunch…
Jenni says
I was ON Dr. Phil. He is an entertainer…not a doctor. Perhaps her parents should hire someone who doesn’t make his money “treating” people on national television.
Meagan says
This is ridiculous. Dr. Phil never said anything improper… visit his website to read his statement. He even CANCELLED his show about her. She is a spoiled, self destructive human being that should not be a mother to children right now. SOMEONE has to say SOMETHING or she will end up killing herself. Hollywood has a way of living in complete denial. I think he is a good person to stand up and say: This girl needs help!!! He would and could offer the kind of help that she needs if she would just look at herself long enough to realize that she is in serious trouble. He would be a great asset to her team. She needs the ass kissers in her entourage to take a hike and she needs more people like Dr. Phil.
Holycow says
no patient confidentiality that is right! damn the bastard!
Terry says
Britney Spears is just a spoiled, no talent having brat who love all of the media attention good or bad..She proves one thing “you can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can’t take the trailer park out of the girl..
john says
apparently dr. phil was friends with the family this is outside of the t.v. show. regardless though it’s common sense that you don’t make information like that public without the families permission especially in a situation like this. britney is not a bad person or a girl out to get attention. she apparently has problems that are beyond her conscious control. she needs help, support, compassion, rather than judgement from close minded people who have nothing better to do. i wish the people who talk about the spears would worry about their own families and their own lives. let’s stop giving celebrities and tabloids all of this unnecessary attention
Steve says
Get over it. Brit and Jamie and the whole Spears clan need to go back to the Louisiana trailer park they came from. They are nothing but ignorant, greedy, shallow, rednecks. They begin every statement with…duh… Give it up folks, nobody cares about you not even Dr. Phil.
David says
Great article. Dr Phil is definitely a quack.
Miichele says
AZmac
Apparently he’s not bound by common decency, either :)
Ryan says
So you’re saying Tim Allen is a dick and not a home improver. The dick part I question. I agree that the Spears’ family shouldn’t expected Dr. Phil to give them advice without an episode and media attention or they should of paid him. The Spears family probably won’t listen to a non famous psychologist, since they have such big egos. Anyway.
C. Lewin says
Licensed psychologists must preserve confidentiality unless they get a written release of information from the client. Was HIPAA adhered to, here (federal privacy of information law)?
Donna says
It won’t be long now and we’ll be hearing of the ‘tragic loss of a valuable entertainer”
Anna Nicole did it, now it’s Brit’s turn
les says
Hmmm the Spears Family … while her daughter is slowly killing herself and endangering her grandchildren she sells out her younger daughter for a mil to the tabloids .. And we wonder why the problems in the Spears family ?? Dr. Phil has a B.A. from Midwestern State University and an M.A. and Ph.D. in clinical psychology from North Texas State University with a dual area of emphasis in clinical and behavioral medicine. And honestly weather of not you like Dr Phil or not .. telling people that Brit is in serious trouble … is not a breach of confientiality… Everyone seems to have no problem in a voyeristic attitude watching another human being have a major meltdown. But then get on their freaking high horse and talk about ethics .. We all seemed to be ok reading, watching, and talking about famous people through the eyes of paperrazis and opinions of celeb reporters … because they are public figures … Whatever moral or mental shortcommings Britney has I can’t help but have compassion for her. Easy to throw stones when you think your above it all and live perfect lives
David says
“What does it mean to be Narked off? If Britney’s family has “got the hump for Dr. Phil, doesn’t that mean they are attracted to him? Your predicate adverbs for lack of better terms, don’t make any sense. What are you trying to say in plain English, or did you fail your grammar classes in school, Stuart? Your writing is embarrassing to say the least.”
Damned straight, JP! What do these chavy Brits know about English, anyway?! They’re all a bunch of numpties!
Doc says
Dr. Phil’s history and fall from the graces of the Texas State Board of Psychologists Examiners can be found by just putting his name into Google. It appears he has gotten by (minus his license) by calling what he does is “giving advice.” However, his statement that someone needs treatment is tantamount to practicing without a license.
As to psychologists, they are not capable nor taught to treat psychiatric cases. Medications are required for most psychiatric illnesses as someone does not talk a psychotic out of being psychotic nor a bipolar from being bipolar.
I rather expect this episode will be reported to the examining Board for Psychologists in California for disciplinary action. I would not want to have been doing what he did without the coverage of a license. As to the California Board of Medical Quality Assurance as it was known in the late 1980s, they take extremely dim views of what they find to be any kind of a gray area. I might look for Dr. Phil to face prosecution.
Cynthia says
I agree with the author. Dr. Phil may be Britney’s only hope because he tells it like it is. She needs someone around her that is not going to be an enabler.