As a new mother, Angelina Jolie is being run ragged. Between hiring nannies and personal trainers and other staff to take care of everything, she must hardly get a moment to herself.
And Angelina Jolie was a busy woman to begin with anyway – deliberately enraging Jennifer Aniston can be a full-time job, you know – so rather than keep juggling everything until she keeled over exhausted, Angelina Jolie has chosen to make a few sacrifices.
In short, Angelina Jolie has decided to stop breastfeeding her two new twins Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline because giving milk to two babies at once is apparently incredibly hard. We should point out that Angelina Jolie isn’t a bad mother for not breastfeeding her kids – in fact, we think they’ll grow up just fine on their new diet of Mountain Dew and uncooked beef cartilage. It certainly never did us any harm.
No wonder Angelina Jolie looks so drawn and tired these days – it seems like if she wants anything done right she has to do it herself. Like furthering the Jolie-Pitt brand, for example. This week Angelina Jolie had chosen to have a break and let Brad Pitt go on TV to stoke up some deliberately controversial headlines about them, and what’s the best he could come up with?
That one of his daughters likes to be called John. That’s rubbish. Angelina Jolie goes out, busting a gut by threatening to quit acting or talking about her infant son’s knife fetish, and that’s all you can think of? Really Brad, would it kill you to admit that you never loved Jennifer Aniston? Huh? Or make up a story about how Pax Thien likes to blow up cows with a bazooka? Huh? These headlines won’t write themselves, you know.
So Angelina Jolie has decided to take things back into her own hands by telling the world that, after three months of trying, she can’t be arsed to breastfeed her newborn baby twins any more. According to the San Francisco Chronicle:
The actress admits she had to stop feeding newborns Knox and Vivienne after three months because she was exhausted. Jolie told GMTV, “It was about as much as I could do. There’s this football hold — it’s a lot harder than it looks in the books. I did that a few times. I would take turns. It just takes a long time.”
Look, Angelina, it’s OK. Nobody thinks you’re a bad mother for not breastfeeding your children. Just admit that the whole football hold thing was a lie and that you stopped breastfeeding out of spite because neither Knox Leon or Vivienne Marcheline made the 10 Hottest Tots list yesterday and we’ll forgive you.
It’s not Angelina Jolie’s fault that breastfeeding became too hard for her – she’s got so many children that she’d need to be caged up and fed a continuous diet of grass like a industrially-farmed cow to produce enough milk to feed them all, and if she did that then she’d never have the time to make films like Wanted or Changeling. Which, actually, we’d be alright with.
Besides, if Angelina Jolie had breastfed the twins in front of her adopted kids, it would have only angered and confused them. And the last thing that anybody wants is to wake up in the middle of the night to find a six-year-old Cambodian kid biting on one of your tits, right?
And anyway, it’s not as if Angelina Jolie didn’t give breastfeeding a go. We’ve all seen the magazine cover of Angelina Jolie breastfeeding her twins, haven’t we? And thanks to that cover Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline will now get to grow up getting all the humiliation of being publicly breastfed, but without having to consume any of those boring old nutrients. Everyone’s happy.
sumita says
i feel so proud now that i’m still breastfeeding my twin boys ( they were born onj 12th of July as well!)
holly says
i think u are way to harsh what has she ever done to u for u to be so critical of her she does soo many good things for chairty and has a huge family and a hot as hell hubby so i think u need to chill on the down grading on her she seemes like a good person so unless u know her on a personal level id say stfu
Jasmine says
There were a bunch of grammatical errors but I think
the rest of you understand what I was trying to say.
You also apply a double standard against Brad & Angelina that you don’t apply to other celebs or
the rest of the world. Their nannies don’t take care
of everything. Like many working couples, they use
babysitters to take care of their kids part time when they are not available. Brad and Angelina are
raising their kids and are the primary caretakers.
The evidence proves that they are the ones who spend most of the time taking care of their kids. I guess
all celeb parents or all people who use babysitters
should be dismissed as bad or neglectful parents who
don’t take care of their kids. The media also makes
up false statements and fabricates quotations all of the time. It is a drag having to do research and
separate what Angelina actually said to what the
media wrongly claimed she said.
It is disturbing how the media manages to calculate
a negative spin around everything. Brad has every
right to promote his films, it is part of his job.
He didn’t say anything controversial. Why is what
they said being dismissed as rubbish? What reason
would we have to lie about things like that? If
he wanted to lie, wouldn’t he come up with something
more interesting or provocative? It is also quite
ridiculous how the liberal media finds photos of
a mother breastfeeding her kids so offensive. I didn’t approve of that photoshoot either because it
was so intimate but there was nothing tawdry about it.
Jennifer and other celebs don’t get trashed for
doing interviews, photoshoots,and promoting their
films. There was hardly an ounce of truth in Jennifer’s interview and she is the one who keeps
extending a false image of herself to the world who
gets conned everytime. It doesn’t matter that she
flat-out outrageously misinsinuated what Angelina
actually said in her interview. It doesn’t matter
that Brad and Angelina have been tight-lipped about
her disgusting conduct and what she & her friends
have said about them to the gossip columns, tabloids,
and openly in interviews. It doesn’t matter that Brad
has not said a single negative thing about Jennifer
publicly and has done everything he can with grace
and dignity to distance himself from the rumor that
ruined his life. It doesn’t matter that Brad & Angelina have consistently denied that accusation for
the past four years, only to have the media suddenly
wrongfully annouce that Angelina confessed despite
the evidence proving otherwise because Jennifer made
it seem that way. Jennifer behaves like a *itch and
manages to paint herself as angelic. She is milking
up the false victim label again but pretends she doesn’t want the pity. She pretends there is no animosity and even had the audacity to claim she was
being honest about Angelina. Angelina has done nothing to Jennifer and their lives are not interconnected in any way.
Changeling was also a masterpiece and Angelina gave
a superb performance in it. Team Aniston is spreading
their personal bias into their professional opinions
and the movie received a much lower rating than it
deserved. Now the media will orchestrate the same
kind of backlash against The Curious Case of Benjamin
Button while B-grade fluff like Marley & Me will probably do well at the Box Office.
Brad Pitt did love that calculating phony Jennifer.
Or he loved what he thought she was. I could feel
in his words and see it in his eyes. I recognized
early on that Jennifer was not really in love with
Brad Pitt. She married him for the benefits, she
became the most popular actress in the world because
of him. Where would she be now if not for the Brad
Pitt connection? You don’t destroy somebody you love.
There many reasons she chose to play the victim card
but the two main reasons: spite and power.
Julian Mentat says
Holly, you haven’t managed to find the [Shift] key and you can’t spell words like Y-O-U.
Why should anyone care what you think?
Beth says
Wow Jasmine. Just, wow.
I find it creepy that we know she’s no longer breast-feeding. I don’t want to know that.
Mary says
Brangelina is the new Bennifer. It had to happen to a couple of famewhores like Brangelina who just couldn’t let it go. Await the backlash.