Swine Flu? Forget swine flu. Global economic catastrophe? Screw that as well. There’s only one real news story today.
Brace yourselves. Kim Kardashian‘s hair is very slightly lighter than it used to be. We know. How on earth are any of us expected to concentrate on anything at all today knowing that Kim Kardashian’s hair is almost imperceptibly blonder than it was a week ago? What if surgeons or aircraft pilots were to suddenly start thinking about how marginally different Kim Kardashian’s hair was now instead of their real jobs? We’d all be dead.
You hear that, Kim Kardashian? DEAD.
Makeovers are all the go at the moment, aren’t they? Over the last week or so Susan Boyle has had a makeover, turning from literally the ugliest woman who has ever lived to like the fifth uglist or something. Also, all pigs have also had a makeover – going from delicious bacon sources to evil ticking timebombs that will Kill Us All Dead.
And since Susan Boyle and some pigs getting a makeover technically constitutes a trend, it was only a matter of time before Kim Kardashian waded in with her stupid elbows and massive arse. You see, Kim Kardashian is no longer happy to just plonk herself on the sidelines of any given celebrity story and bellow her unwanted opinion like some sort of slow-witted mental at a bus stop. Kim Kardashian wants in on this one, damnit.
So Kim Kardashian has had a makeover. And this isn’t one of those faddy makeovers like the time she said that she’d given up fur or the time she said that she wasn’t really into making online pornos – this one is for real. That’s right – Kim Kardashian has gone blonde. The New York Daily News reports:
The “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” star proudly showed off her newly blonde locks on Twitter Sunday, raving about her Beyonce-esque ‘do. “I WENT BLONDE!!!! Do u like it?” Kardashian wrote, followed by, “One more blonde pic!” and “I’m LOVING my blonde hair!”
That seems to be the main thing here – by going blonde, Kim Kardashian has made herself look like Beyonce. A bit. If you squint, tilt your head at exactly 62 degrees, drink bleach until you teeter on the edge of consciousness and then get so far away from Kim Kardashian that you can’t really make her out against the background any more then, yes, we suppose Kim Kardashian does look a bit like Beyonce. A bit.
But anyway, more fool you if you thought that Kim Kardashian had really gone blonde, because the hilarious prankster then went onto her website to reveal to the world that… actually it was a wig! She’s not really blonde at all! Kim Kardashian is hilarious!
So we suppose in retrospect the headline to this story should have been Kim Kardashian’s Hair Is Exactly The Bloody Same As It Has Ever Been.
We hate our lives sometimes.
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Eva says
Man, I have no idea who Kim Kardashian is, but your article is hilarious! Very refreshing! Thanks!
Jason Batton says
Wow Kim Kardashdian, what can I say about her other than she is great. Nice article!