Hecklerspray once tried faking a heart attack.

We weren’t very good at it – all that foaming at the mouth, flailing our arms around and screeching out incomprehensible wails and grunts simply made people think that we were some sort of Pete Doherty tribute act, whereupon they either gave us a tenner to scurry off and buy a bag of heroin or just slapped us in the face repeatedly. Mainly the latter.

Still. Our attempt was, like, six million billion times better than that of Keison Wilkins. Who he? He’s the chap who, after deciding to defend himself in court, thought that the best course of action was to fake a heart attack and hope for a mistrial.

He failed.

And was sentenced to 42 years.

The early ’90s, eh?

Who can forget those heady days of Global Hypercolour t-shirts, Monster In My Pocket collectible figurines and Channel 4’s Red Light Zone? Jesus – who on Earth can forget Channel 4’s Red Light Zone? Certainly not anyone who was entering adolescence and had a portable TV set in their room, that’s for sure.

Why are we waffling on about the early ’90s so much? Because that’s where this here clip originates from. It’s the first in a new feature called Hecklerspray Oddities (original working title: Clips That We Quite Like But Couldn’t Really Find Any Other Way Of Linking To Them On The Site), in which we present to you a series of clips that we quite like but couldn’t really find any other way of linking to them on the site.

Enjoy, then, a young Jim Carrey partaking in a spot-on sketch show spoof of The Tonight Show With Jay Leno.

It’s been said that some people in this world are stupid.

This is, of course, absolute nonsense. The majority of people in this world are stupid – hapless, witless mouth-breathers who drift gormlessly through their lives with all the intellectual vigour of a bag of Oven Chips. Bearing this in mind, however, it still boggles the mind as to the boundless depths of idiocy to which the truly moronic are capable of plunging.

Like dialling the number of a TV character. And complaining when there’s no answer.

We can all be a bit demanding sometimes.

Why, only the other day, the people in the office next door had their radio playing too loud, so hecklerspray stormed over there and ordered them to turn it off. They didn’t listen, of course, but once we tipped that vial full of the Ebola virus into their coffee maker, they soon quietened down. After a few hours of tortured screaming and vomiting. Still – it beat The Chris Moyles Show hands-down.

We’re just grateful, though, that we don’t have to deal with stroppy diva Jennifer Lopez, whose sense of self-importance is now seemingly so large it may have to obtain planning permission simply to exist. She decided to go on a little shopping excursion to the Catherine Malandrino boutique on Manhasset’s Miracle Mile last week, you see, and members of staff have blabbed to Page Six magazine about what an unrepentant twat she was acting.

Comic book fans will no doubt be aware that seminal 1980s graphic novel Watchmen is making its way to the big screen.

What you might not know, however, is that director Zack Snyder commissioned an intriguing little competition for amateur film-makers to contribute to the upcoming feature. Entrants had to create a TV commercial set within the Watchmen universe – an alternative-history 1985 where superheroes have driven key world events.

Got some time to waste? Good. Then you can pop over to YouTube and have a look at some of the winning entries. They’re all frankly fantastic, with a particular favourite being the spot-on toy commercial.

Oh – and is this the geekiest post in hecklerspray history? Very possibly.

It’s difficult to imagine what sort of corporate environment Heather Mills would flourish within – Widely Despised Monoped GoldDiggers Inc, perhaps, or Beatle Fleecers LLC.

That hasn’t stopped suspiciously-haired zillionaire Donald Trump from namedropping Ms. Mills in relation to the new series of US show The Celebrity Apprentice, however. After the last batch of episodes featured such luminaries as Lennox Lewis, Piers Morgan, Gene Simmons and that bloke who was shot on a boat in The Sopranos, Trump has confirmed that several wannabes have been angling for a slot in the new run… and that the ex-Ms. McCartney was among them.

Hecklerspray only recently learned that Kerry Katona was actually born – we simply thought she’d congealed, popping up Master-And-Margarita style on the outskirts of some grim Northern town, swathed in chip fat and possessing the piercing dead eyes of a truly soulless abomination.

Nah. Turns out that she has a mum.

Warning: if you’ve just eaten, you may want to avoid reading this report for a short while. On the other hand, if you’re bulimic – and need a horrific mental image to really spur on that gag reflex – please allow us to be of service. Ready? O-kay.

You could die at literally any moment.

Seriously – even by the time you finish reading this paragraph you could have contracted Ebola and shit your own face off, been struck by seven seperate bolts of lightening, been vapourised in a nuclear holocaust, been torn apart by rabid weasels or even set on fire by laughing blue pixies. Infact, the likelihood is that you will die, almost certainly within the next half-hour or so, and definitely in the most horrifying and painful way imaginable.

Unless you get protection.