There have been few more satisfying TV moments of late than when ‘comedian’ Russell Brand appeared on Have I Got News For You and attempted to impress the audience.
His winning tactic? Erm … simply rambling about author Anthony Burgess in relation to his own bestseller My Booky-Wook and expecting the assembled onlookers to clap like special-needs sealions at his stunning intellect.
Cue a grim look of realisation as Brand found this wasn’t his usual crowd – i.e. an audience made up entirely of slightly-dim sixth-formers who’d label a turnip a ‘legend’ if it had its own E4 series. He then had to do more entertaining, rather than pass off unremarkable literary references as the height of sophistication. A task which – unsurprisingly – he failed spectacularly.
Still. Stupid people, eh? They’re everywhere. Want evidence? How about we look no further than the fact that Booky-Wook (Christ, doesn’t the title alone make you want to hurt yourself and others?) has to date sold over 600,000 copies in the UK alone.
Each and every person who bought a copy, it goes without saying, was an utter cretin … and it’s their amassed idiocy that has resulted in a new deal being brokered with publisher HarperCollins.
Oh yes. Brand is now getting $3million dollars to scrawl out two more drivel-packed volumes, presumably to be entitled My Sequel-Wequel and My Artistically Invalid Pile Of Shitey-Wite.
Obviously, we’re just guessing as to the titles there, but we’re willing to take bets in the hecklerspray office that they’ll be wholly accurate in the long run.
Want worse news? What, are you some sort of sadist? Oh, go on, then – apparently Brand has also been in talks to:
‘ … play a Simon Cowell-style music impresario alongside stars including Girls Aloud singer Sarah Harding in ‘Carry On To The Next Round’, the first film in the famous British comedy series for 16 years.’
Sad, really – despite that being possibly the worst idea ever mooted by anyone ever, chances are that every broadsheet critic across the land will continue to collectively lose their senses and carry on their bizarre Brand-worshipping, all the time labelling the walking Beetlejuice-audition as ‘the most exciting comedian of his generation’ or something along those lines.
Which brings hecklerspray to a final point: fucking hell. Doesn’t anyone remember when to become ‘the most exciting comedian of a generation’ you had to actually be something special. Not simply a ballbag-obsessed pirate-fetishist?
Doesn’t anyone remember when you had to be a Hicks or a Bruce or a Kinison or a Cook or a Sellers? Anyone? Anyone?
No? Okay, then.
Note to any Brand fans: You may start your inevitable babbling comments below. Just try to tone down the textspeak, though, eh? You’re dealing with fans of words here, for Christ’s sake.
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gir says
Well, the Booky Wook thing is apparently a Clockwork Orange reference.
However, out of the context of Clockwork Orange, “on my oddy knocky”, “droogies”, and all the other linguistic constructs that made the novel so surreal just sound retarded. Plus it means about a billion disaffected 12 year olds are going to act all offended despite the fact that they only saw the movie and that one chick totally got naked, dude.
sarah says
Odd really that people will publish entire articles criticising someone else’s work before attempting anything of their own, if you think you can do better – and you obviously do – then go ahead and do it!
No one is stopping you and according to you ti is easy.
Ian says
The Carry On thing won’t go anywhere. Every 6 months someone pops up claiming there’ll be a new Carry On film and it’s always different. Though nothing quite beats Carry On London, which was set to star the newsreader from RI:SE.
I will confess I do like him in small doses, he becomes a little more bareable when you remember that everything in his life; from his stupid clothes and his relentless shagging to his pretentions that he knows any more than a sentence about any of the great thinkers, ideas or literature, are merely a consequence of his feelings of complete inadequacy.
Bare that in mind and you can enjoy him, partly out of amusement but mainly because you know in a few years time when everyone moves onto the next “most exciting comedian of a generation” he’ll be found hanged from one of his shit garments in a crack den.
Wills says
Let’s leave it to Charlie Booker, fellow-guest on the HIGNFY (which was shamelessly edited to make Russell look awkward) to respond (Guardian December 2007:
“Personality Of The Year was Russell Brand, who was everywhere, polarising opinion. A few weeks ago I appeared on an episode of Have I Got News For You alongside Brand and, prior to the recording, received a couple of emails urging me to have a go at him. There seems to be a crossover between people who like me and people who hate him. Well sorry, but I like Russell Brand.
“That wasn’t always the case. At the start of the year I found him intensely annoying. Maybe you have to pass through a wall of tolerance, or maybe it depends what “mode” he’s in… but by the end of the year I discovered, to my shock, that I counted myself among his fans. My turning points were his radio show, an old documentary in which he confronts the BNP that I found on YouTube, and a strangely mesmerising interview conducted by Dawn French on BBC4. He’s a huge show-off, to be sure – and at his worst, downright grating – but in a relaxed, ballbag-and-dinkle-free frame of mind, he’s funny, charming, intelligent and lucid. The man’s kicked heroin and transformed himself into a preposterous dreaming clown; a cross between David Bellamy and a startled cat. He’s done a beautiful thing, for God’s sake. TV hasn’t found the right platform for him yet, but it will. He’ll still be going in 20 years time. I point that out specifically to enrage his detractors.”
Proustian Madeleine says
How awfully clever of you to have written this article in some sort of bizarre reverse codeology. The boy-scouts you write for WILL be pleased to have something really intellectual to get their laughing gear around. Well done you!
C J Davies says
Hi Wills
I actually read that Brooker column too, which is kind of what I was getting at when I mentioned broadsheet critics losing their minds. The fact that Brooker is defending him is absolutely mystifying to me. ‘He’ll still be going in 20 years time?’ Yeah. So will syphilis.
C J Davies says
How are the GCSEs going, Madeleine?
liz says
I thought if you were going to write an article you were supposed to write it constructively and not just personally attack someone? However I could be wrong because i am one of the many people you branded as a ‘cretin’ for buying his book and appreciating him as a good and talented comedian.
Linda says
I just think he’s really funny. He’s often cheered me up anyway.
Ashley says
It is clearly obvious from your article that your only contact with Russell’s work is via Big Brother or other mainstream television work where he has been required to conform to a fixed television format.
As Charlie Brooker discovered, the real, raw talent of Brand is something that genuinely surprises those who have not experienced it in its unrestricted form – i.e. his stand up work or his radio show.
If you are going to judge someone’s talent on the basis that their autobiography has a shit title and you don’t like the way that they dress then it’s not exactly an indepth or informed critique.
Poor, lazy, ill researched hatred. Must try harder
robbie says
This site clearly isn’t written to write contstructive articles. It’s for like-minded people to read things written by opinionated people and laugh.
Crying about personal attacks is just being oversensitive and feeble-minded. Grow a spine.
Caroline says
Calm down grandad. I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a one dimensional pile of meaningless words in my life. I hear the Volkischer Beobachter want you back :\
IOW Fans of Russell Brand says
I can assure you I am not a cretin I do find your term of phrase very patronising …
Have you ever met Russell…???
Have you ever talked to Russell…???
Have you read his Book…???
I have and I can assure you he is the sweetest kindest man Ive met in a long time…
He is Beautiful both inside & outside and gives a lot of time to those who support his work…
He gives time supporting recovering addicts too…
He is an inspiration to many people myself included showing anyone can turn their lives around and rise like the Phoenix from the ashes as Russell has done so magnifisantly…!!!
Oh and by the way Im not a 12yr old Im actually 60yrs old…
Actual Love & Blessings x
euclid says
Oh and by the way you’re a 60 year old who writes like a 12 year old.
Magnifisantly? Really? Well, that explains it, or I should say explanes it.
Russell Brand is a tiresome ghost fucker. Just my opinion.
L says
Well CJ since you are such a fan of words, here are a few on your article:
ill informed, lazy, pedantic, vindictive.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, even you – perched on your Heckler Spray pedastal spouting vitriol
I recognise he is an acquired taste, but his talent is explicit, his ability to improvise, manipulate language, comic timing etc is obvious. And that’s my opinion.
I’d get ready to get some more poisonous paragraghs together for the future because – Beetlejuice is everywhere and is doing pretty nicely on his path for global success.
And as for Euclid – you must have jumped up and down with glee when you saw the spelling mistake in the preceding post – what joy. The message is in the content not the construct darling.
L
J Bollocks says
euclid, I think you’ll find “im actually 60yrs old” was a typo. More like “60mths” Ha-Ha!
No, seriously, from the little I’ve seen of Mr Brand (the latest St Trinians) he seemed Ok(-ish).
Although I’m quite curious as to where and why he’s got the reputation of being a “cocks-man”? (BTW that’s a literary term used by I Fleming)
And Yes, there was a special on brackets “(” this week…
The Groaner says
I just read his damn name and I am transformed from a peacenick to a raving homicidal lunatic. He irritates the damn heck out of me. I would not read anything he has to say if he paid me.
Flamboyant moron.
Oh and by the way i am neither 12 nor 60 and could never find him “inspirational”. I save that for Nelson Mandela or Cyril Ramaphosa, Stephen Hawkin & other worthwhile humans not fame hungry, drug/sex pedaling idiots.
Let me off ,my blood pressure is about to leap into stratosphere.
CWW says
Okay, he is annoying and very much up himself. But I do find him funny. I didn’t much like him on big brother’s little brother as he was definitely grating on that (as was/is Big Brother). However, his stand up show was entertaining (and shocking) throughout.
There is a brief insight into how Brand has changed over the years in a radio episode of Heresy with David Baddiel. It’s worthwhile finding on the net as the show is hilarious generally and Baddiel mocks Brand by asking him why he talks like a 19th century cockney. Brand’s answer sounds pretty genuine.
He does dress like a tit though. I think that balances out my post… ;-)
Elizabeth Anne says
I am honestly shocked at this article. I am neither a ‘slightly-dim sixth-former’ nor ‘stupid’ and actually find this piece rather insulting, ignorant, and unprofessional. I am currently at university and am extremely capable of writing with words not textspeak. I am also a supporter of Russell Brand and detect that you have not read ‘My Booky Wook’ before judging it, know nothing about his life or progression of career, or witnessed his live stand-up. Of course one is entitled to an opinion; however, this article is based on opinion alone. Brand’s success is undeniable and well deserved. I genuinely hope you overcome this negativity towards Brand, from the way you write it sounds like jealousy, and does not put you in a good light. I would urge you to listen to Brand’s radio show, see him perform live stand-up comedy, and read ‘My Booky Wook’, as you are obviously interested in him enough to write this article, but have not researched well enough, if at all, and therefore cannot form an opinion, can only judge. Russell Brand is intelligent, individual and inspirational.
gir says
“I genuinely hope you overcome this negativity towards Brand, from the way you write it sounds like jealousy”
What is it with the jealousy accusation? I mean, I understand it in relation to the really talented subjects of hecklerspray articles (Paris Hilton, Pete Doherty, Hulk Hogan, etc) but honestly now, who in the FUCK is going to be jealous of Russell Brand? I mean, I sure would love to be as ZANY and RANDOM as him, but I have unfortunately left my early adolescence behind.
Ballbags.
Ironlung says
He is neither intelligent, nor inspirational. Just a very lucky dope fiend. Although, he has inspired me never to touch heroin.
A while back channel 4 said they had signed a contract with him, but couldn’t find a show to put him in. To me that reads, “We have no clue why or how this guy is popular, but you can get fucked if you think we will let him go”. Or perhaps that’s just me.
And yes, it is jealousy. Of course it is. I have as little talent as he does, but nowhere near his money or fame. Just remember that being vaguely handsome, having a funny voice, and occasionaly tripping over a joke or two does not constitute intelligence or an ability to write.
euclid says
What kind of unmitigated shithead
reads an article on a site called HecklerSpray and
then gets indignant that the article is insulting?
L- I did not “jump up and down with glee” as I have no legs,
and my little cart doesn’t do jumping very well. Since the
subject of these particular postings is literary (or litterary) criticism,
I do not think it untoward to consider someone’s grasp of the language
when gauging their opinions. Since the sentiments (contents)
of the Fan post are homogenous treacle, I am left to consider the
form (construct), which our great post-modernist friends
have informed us can tell us as much as the overt content. And indeed it does.
Now, I will remove the monocle from my rectum and be on about my day.
Can I borrow your toothbrush for a sec?
Mark Bellicose says
I am sick of all you haters. Why are you not posting on the Marilyn Monroe article anymore? Who is this Rustle Brand? He has not made 30 movies, he has not had three marriages, he is not the topic for the highest modern art pieces created by a man named Andy Warhol. I hope you all end up independently wealthy etc etc.
Wills says
What CJ Davies seems to have missed from the Charlie Booker article is his point about Russell’s different “modes”. I don’t think there’s a fan who doesn’t say, “Oh don’t do that” when he’s in one of the modes that isn’t congenial to them. For God’s sake his best mate and co-host Matt Morgan is doing it all the time on their radio show. But in totality he is a very gifted, interesting man with undoubted potential – both for triumph and tragedy, perhaps both. His fans are those who wish him well with that. A shocking number of non-fans actually wish to see him dead in a gutter, it seems.
For anyone prepared to have an open mind, this is Russell’s way with actual hecklers (rather than virtual ones):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J16KG_g6t_Y
gir says
“Russell’s way” just makes me want to slap the fuck out of him.
theapologist says
I can’t bear him.
He is a passably amusing comedian, with some utterly unoriginal material wrapped up in the most annoying media persona I can remember.
It’s interesting reading these comments how many fans of his comedy lack a sense of humour ;)
mike says
sour grapes you loser! The guy is a genius. His personality shines through his words and inspires us all. How about give the guy a break, why not focus on what he has achieved in his life. Going from heroin junky to a international icon is a pretty big step. So i summerise, stop being a jelous square and stick you fingers up your anus to scoop your head out! YOU negative fool!
euclid says
Mike – thank you for summerising.
Now would you please winterise?
A couple of shots of anti-freeze and
wrapping yourself in fiberglass
should just about do it. Piss-widget.
Neil Fenwick says
My goodness, you really are bitter aren’t you. You just can’t face the fact that Russell Brand is far more talented, entertaining and, crucially, successful than your pathetic self. You’ve put so much effort into criticising this man for his supposedly ill-forged career, you’ve neglected to forge one for yourself. Thus you sit here textually decrying him in searing green envy whilst he sits not caring.
euclid says
“searing green envy”?
I had that once.
Passed in a couple of days though.
Didn’t know Brand was a troll.
More Dudley than Fenwick, prat.
If you’re going to make a career of
raping Oscar Wilde, then cut to the chase
and duel it out with some wallpaper.
NAMEHURRR says
Calling 600,000 people who you don’t know “utter cretins” based on them paying a few quid for a book?
Seems like your blind rage is based on jealously dude, the guy managed to bed katy perry, a hooker would probably turn you down.